The Mating Game
by Oliviet
Summary: Castle and Beckett both join the same dating website after incessant encouragement from their family and friends and start talking to each other without knowing it due to the anonymity of their profiles. Loosely based on "You've Got Mail." My entry for the Rom Com Fic Challenge.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This first chapter is also a little bit _Sleepless in Seattle._ All the Tom and Meg apparently. Set in season two, Pre-Demming.

* * *

"Okay," Castle starts, stepping out from his office and pointing his gaze at the two redheads sitting on the living room couch. "Which one of you wants to explain to me why there are suddenly women on the internet who want to get in touch with someone named NYwriter via my private e-mail address?"

At first, he thought the influx of messages were some type of scam, produced by clicking on the wrong pop-up or something. But an internet ad wouldn't know his e-mail address. And his private one he never supplies anywhere online. Which leaves only one, er two, options.

Martha and Alexis exchange a glance. They're in this together, whatever this is. And that worries him.

"It was my idea, okay?" Alexis confesses on a sigh. "Don't blame Gram, I dragged her into it."

"And what exactly did you drag her into?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You haven't been on a date in a while," Alexis shrugs. "A _real_ date. I was just trying to help."

"Still waiting on a full explanation here."

"Well you see, Richard," Martha starts, trying to help her granddaughter out. "Our original idea was to make you a dating profile on one of those online dating sites. But we quickly realized that once we uploaded a picture and used your real name, people might know exactly who you are and...overreact. So we went for a more anonymous approach."

"And that was?" Castle asks, still waiting to figure out exactly what his family has gotten him into.

"Well we found this sort of alternative dating website," Alexis tells him. "It's mostly chat rooms and you can search them by topic and there was a literature one."

Martha must take note of the paled expression on his face because she's quick to try and calm him. "Oh don't worry darling, there was nothing inappropriate about the website. The internet may not be from my generation, but I'm well aware of the negative connotations associated with chat rooms. I wouldn't have let Alexis browse with me if something obscene had come up."

A little bit of the color returns to his face, but he still looks skeptical. "So how did these women get my e-mail address?"

"Well, we may have made a post in the literature forum about how you were this single dad looking for someone to talk to..." Alexis trails off.

Castle groans, scrubbing a hand over his face. "This sounds like a plotline to a Tom Hanks movie."

"You should at least look at the e-mails," Martha offers. "You may find someone that will surprise you."

"Mother, I'm not looking to be surprised. And I'm not looking for a relationship either. What made you two think this was a good idea?"

The women exchange another glance.

"Just read some of the e-mails, Dad. You'll thank us later."

* * *

"Honestly, Kate, when was the last time you went on a date?" Lanie asks, swirling around the remnants of wine in her glass.

"I go on dates," Kate says, defensively. Lanie raises an eyebrow at her and she stares her down, trying to stand her ground. But Lanie's gaze is unforgiving, and she eventually gives in with a sigh. "Okay so it's been a while. But it's not like I can meet guys through work. What am I supposed to do, date a suspect?"

"You could always date that writer of yours," Lanie suggests, downing the rest of her wine. "Have you ever stared at his ass? It's literally perfect."

Kate groans, taking a sip of her own drink. "Date Castle? Are you out of your mind? He acts like a nine-year-old."

"Yeah, yeah on a sugar rush. So you've said," she says, waving her off. "But the man is attractive, you have to give him that. And the way he writes sex scenes? He _has_ to know what he's doing in the bedroom. Something you could definitely benefit from."

Kate rolls her eyes, shaking her head. "Nu-uh. Not happening."

"Well if you refuse to date what's right in front of you, we're going to have to look elsewhere."

Lanie abandons her seat on the couch and moves to wander around Kate's apartment.

"Look elsewhere like where?" Kate calls after her. "On the street?"

She's met with silence, but it's not long before Lanie comes back, cradling Kate's laptop to her chest.

"The internet?" she asks, incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Oh come on, they're not all creeps out there," Lanie protests, powering on the computer. "My cousin met her fiancé on a dating website."

"But Lanie I don't need this," Kate tries again. "I'm perfectly fine being single right now."

"It won't kill you to look, see who's out there. And besides this website my cousin found? Totally anonymous. No pictures and you don't even have to give your name if you don't want to. You just browse the interests topics and start chatting someone up you have stuff in common with. Okay, okay give me an interest to look for."

"Lanie, I really don't think -"

"Don't make me choose for you and go searching for something like homicide."

Kate sighs, scooting closer to Lanie on the couch so she'll have a better view of the screen. She really doesn't want to do this, but knows her friend will be unrelenting until she agrees. She can always go back and delete whatever profile gets made later. "What about something like books? I read a lot in my spare time."

Lanie clicks around the website, browsing topic titles. "Oh, there's a literature section. That sounds promising. There are some author discussion threads here. Do you read any of these guys?"

She scans over the list and starts to respond when Lanie interrupts her again. "Hey look at this guy. Single dad looking for someone to talk to."

"Do I look like Meg Ryan to you?"

Lanie waves her off. "No, look at his post. He seems really genuine."

"I'm sure people always say that initially about the rapists and murderers they meet on the internet. You know as well as I do that the number of victims -"

"Kate," Lanie cuts her off. "The people who own this website also own a bar and grill they use as a safe meeting site for their clientele. I know this whole anonymous thing can be pretty intimidating, but my cousin told me it really helps take the pressure off. Just start talking to someone, whether it be this NYwriter or someone else, and see if there's any type of connection there."

She scrubs her hand through her hair, re-reading the post Lanie pointed out. "Why are you pushing this online dating thing so much?"

"You said it yourself, it's hard to find time to date with your job. So where's the harm in trying it this way?"

"The problem is I don't trust very easily. And you want me to trust some random stranger on the internet?

"You don't have to marry the guy, Kate. Just talk to him."

"I'm counting this as the blind date you keep threatening to set me up on," Kate groans, pulling her computer into her lap. "And I am prepared to give you full blame when this ends in disaster."

"Ye of little faith. Just wait, you'll meet someone that will really surprise you."

* * *

Castle settles into bed with his laptop, deciding there really is no harm in reading the messages that have been sent his way. He doubts he'll receive anything of substance, the post his daughter and mother made on his behalf sounding way too cheesy and cliché and nothing like him at all. The first few messages he reads through are just as he anticipated.

 _The single dad thing is very sexy._

 _A man raising his daughter by himself? Surely you need a female influence in her life. I'd be happy to oblige. ;)_

 _So sorry to hear about the passing of your wife._

That one gets him to laugh considering neither Meredith nor Gina are dead. He wonders why to her, single dad automatically implies widowed instead of divorced. Castle continues scrolling through the messages, nearly giving up, when he glances over one that catches his eye.

 _Um hi. I'm sorry, I've never done anything like this before and my friend, who is sitting next to me watching me type this, talked me into it. So I apologize in advance if I sound extremely awkward. I swear I'm more put together in person. But um, it says in your post that you're a fan of mystery novels. So am I. Do you have any favorites? I'd share mine with you, but your username says you're a writer and I don't want to offend anyone. So you first._

He feels a small smile tugging at his lips. This one, this Coffeelover19, is different. She was forced into it, much like he was, and she's actually trying to talk to him about books. She's trying to have an actual conversation instead of blatantly hitting on an anonymous grey face. Maybe he just finds it refreshing after the myriad of other responses he's received, but he finds himself wanting to write her back.

 _No need to apologize. I was forced into this myself. My family thought it would be good for me for some reason I fail to see. So we're in the same boat. I also want to clarify that I was not the one to write my initial post. I am in no way that cheesy or cliché. I don't think. Feel free to call me out if I ever am. But anyway, favorite authors or novels? Either way so many. So very many. Although I will say that I am rather fond of Edgar Allan Poe._

He hits send after a final read through for typos, letting it disappear into the ether. He doesn't expect much to come out of this conversation thread. They'll discuss some authors, maybe even some books, and she'll probably get bored and move on. Internet dating just doesn't sound like his thing. But he will give Coffeelover19 a chance. After all, they have at least two things in common.


	2. Chapter 2

She keeps glancing over at her laptop all morning as she's getting ready, hating that she cares so much about this guy e-mailing her back. She doesn't care really. If the guy never responds she won't be heartbroken or anything. But her curiosity is overwhelming. Maybe she'll just check before she leaves. If there is a response from him, she doesn't have to take time out of her morning to reply. He can wait. And so can she.

Kate hits the power button as she moves to sit on the edge of her bed to zip up her boots. She heads back over to her desk and pulls up the web browser, logging into her account and checking her father's watch for the time. She should be leaving. At this rate, Castle is going to beat her to the crime scene, and she'll hear nothing but his teasing her about punctuality all morning.

Her inbox finishes checking for mail, and five new messages pop up. She deletes the spam, leaves the message from her dad for later, and spots the one from NYwriter she was looking for. So he _did_ message her back. She bites her lower lip as she opens it, her eyes scanning over his words. She can already hear her response to him formulating in her head and wishes she had waited until later to read this, because she really doesn't have time to respond.

Kate groans and shuts her laptop down, hoping that she'll have a spare moment later to answer him. But she tells herself as she walks out the door that it doesn't matter if she doesn't. She's not invested in this. She's only doing this to get Lanie off of her back. She doesn't actually care. Not really.

Right?

* * *

"Rough night last night, Beckett?"

She groans at Castle's smug expression, taking her coffee from his outstretched hand.

"Just took me longer than anticipated to leave this morning," Kate mumbles.

"Trying to cure that hungover look, huh? Well I must say you did an incredible job."

She groans again at his comment, ignoring him and stepping under the crime scene tape. "What have we got, Lanie?"

"Male. Looks to be in his 30s. No ID on him. GSW to the chest," she nods to the boys. "While Ryan was talking to the woman who found the body, that kid talking to Esposito approached them and said he witnessed the whole thing."

"He can't be much older than 13," Kate says, looking over at him.

Lanie shrugs, giving her a sympathetic look.

"He's wearing an expensive suit," Castle muses, examining the body for himself. He straightens up and looks at the surrounding buildings. "My guess is he came out of that hotel over there."

Kate follows his gaze. "We'll check it out. But without his name or photo I'm not entirely sure how we're going to ask about him. We may have to wait until the crime scene photos -"

She stops midsentence as Castle pulls out his phone and takes a picture of the victim's face.

"There. Problem solved," he shrugs, starting to head toward the hotel across the street. "Oh don't worry, Beckett. I'll delete it after we ask the front desk about him."

She lets out a frustrated sigh and she shakes her head.

"Any response from your new online friend?" Lanie asks when Castle is out of earshot.

"Uh yeah," Kate says, drawing her gaze away from the writer. "I haven't said anything back though."

"Why? Does he sound like a creep?"

"Actually no, I just didn't have time."

Lanie smiles, a knowing look in her eyes. "But you plan to keep talking to him."

"Don't get too excited. We're just having a conversation about books. One of us is bound to get bored eventually and move on."

"No, you're just breaking the ice talking about books. It'll evolve into something else. Just you wait."

Kate shakes her head again. "I need to go follow Castle before he starts interrogating people on his own."

"Would he really start without you? He doesn't even have a badge."

"You have met him, right?"

Lanie laughs as she kneels back over the body. "Yeah, you should probably go after him."

* * *

After getting an ID from the hotel and notifying the next of kin, Castle and Beckett head back to the precinct where their teenage witness is working with a sketch artist. She starts in on setting up their murder board while Castle moves to observe the sketch artist in action. It isn't until around lunch time when she finds herself a spare moment to reply to her e-mail. She logs into her personal account, deciding to count this as her break for the day. She reads over NYwriter's message one more time before hitting the reply button.

 _You're going to go with Poe? Seriously? Out of all of these favorites that you supposedly have, he's your top choice? I'm sure you can do better than that. I know I can._

 _But your family set up your account for you? That seems sweet actually. They must really care about you. Or at the very least they must think you seem pretty lonely like my friend who set me up for this does. I understand that she has good intentions and all that, but does she really have to be so nosy about my love life?_

Kate spots Castle heading back over to her desk so she quickly hits send without proofreading the message to avoid him reading it over her shoulder.

"You know, I've been thinking," he starts, sliding into his chair by her desk. "Brad's wife didn't seem too broken up about her husband's death."

"Maybe she was just in shock," Kate replies.

"No, no I don't think that's it. She almost seemed relieved to me. Like she had planned the whole thing."

"She didn't kill him, Castle. Our witness placed another man at the crime scene."

"She didn't kill him herself, but maybe she hired someone else to do it."

She raises an eyebrow at him. "Hit man? That's your theory on this one?"

"Do you have a better explanation?" he challenges.

Kate sighs. "Let's just wait and see if we get a hit off of the sketch. The kid got a pretty good look at him."

"And if we don't? Hit men try to keep their identities a secret, you know. And if we release the photo to the media, we're just going to spook him."

"If he wanted to keep his identity a secret, he would have worn some sort of disguise when he went to kill Brad. Castle, I really don't think this murder was premeditated. His wallet was missing, meaning it was probably just a robbery gone wrong."

"Then how do you explain the wife?" he asks, tapping his fingers along her desk. "She could have asked her hired hit man to make it look like a robbery. Or maybe that's just the hit man's MO."

"I didn't see the relief you think you saw. I saw a woman who was shocked to learn that her husband had been murdered."

"And here I thought you were good at reading people."

She narrows her eyes at him. "If we go talk to the wife again, will that get you off of my back?"

Castle grins, already pushing himself to his feet. "Prepare to realize just how wrong you are."

* * *

He had been wrong. And of course Beckett had enjoyed pointing that out to him for the remainder of the afternoon. He figured he had it coming after his incessant teasing about her being late this morning. But still, he was grateful when her theory about it being a robbery gone wrong had turned out to be wrong as well. Her playful comments had stopped very soon after that. They were at a standstill now, waiting on ballistics to get back to them, so they'd all gone home for the night.

Castle pulls his laptop toward him on his desk, wanting to incorporate some of their teasing banter from today into Nikki Heat, when he notices his mail icon has a one by it. It could be Gina, hounding him for his next set of chapters, or it could be Coffeelover19, continuing their conversation from earlier. Curiosity gets the better of him and he opens his mailbox. He's so glad to see it isn't Gina. He reads her message and then cracks his knuckles before preparing his response.

 _What's wrong with Poe? The man was brilliant. Perhaps you're into more contemporary authors like Stephen King and Michael Connelly then? Oh I'm sorry, I'm over here assuming we like the same genre even though you're not a Poe fan. You're probably into those cheesy Nicholas Sparks books aren't you? And that's why you don't like Poe._

 _What so my family cares about me and your friend just thinks you're desperate and lonely? Maybe it's the other way around. I was told I hadn't been on a 'real date' in while. A real date? What does that even consist of? I'm telling you, kids these days think dates can only consist of dinner and a movie. But I suppose, as the father of a teenage daughter, I am okay with that. But I would like to clarify that I've been on plenty of 'real dates' since the divorce. Oh yeah, by the way, I'm divorced. Not widowed like the vibe my original post has apparently been giving out to some people. But anyway, about your friend, is she dating anyone right now? Because maybe if she's happy, she just wants the same for you._

He reads over it, realizing he really sounds like he's just rambling. His thoughts are all over the place. But as he reads it for a second time, he can't figure out what it is he wants to change so he goes ahead and presses send. Editing e-mails shouldn't be as daunting as editing novels after all.

He finds himself wondering how much longer this conversation is going to go on. They've opened it up to more than books now, so it has the potential to go on for even longer than he originally anticipated. She seems friendly enough, but there's no instant love connection there. Of course they've only exchanged a few lines without much substance to them, so how do you fall for someone off of that alone? You don't.

But maybe, just maybe, his most recent message to her will get her talking. _Really talking_. And maybe it will cause him to open up more too. She's a stranger on the internet he may never meet, so what's the harm in using her to vent or to talk about things he normally wouldn't with other people? He'll bring it up to her next time. Maybe there's potential to fall for her yet.


	3. Chapter 3

She isn't able to respond to his message until the following night. Things got pretty crazy with the case and she didn't have a whole lot of down time until they finally made an arrest. But she's curled up in bed with her laptop now, finding herself simultaneously smiling and rolling her eyes at his latest e-mail. Kate poises her fingers over the keyboard, thinking her reply through in her head before putting it into words.

 _Poe's not brilliant. Just overrated. And if you'll recall, in my first message to you, I said we had mystery novels in common. So yeah, I'm a fan of King and Connelly and the like, but definitely not Sparks. Those cheesy romance novels? Not for me. At all. I know we don't even know each other, but I'm still offended that you would think so._

 _What's that like? Raising a teenage daughter. I know I was the cause of many of my father's grey hairs in my day. Does the divorce add an extra layer to all of that teenage angst? I'm sure that if my parents had split, I would have been even more trouble than I already was._

 _So if you're not taking them to dinner or a movie on these dates, what exactly are you doing? But no, my friend is as single as I am. Which is why I'm so confused as to why my love life is suddenly her new project._

Their conversation is becoming more. They still haven't even asked for first names, and yet it's already starting to get more personal and less about books. She's not sure if she's even ready to get extremely personal with this guy she doesn't know. Lanie said the anonymity would help take some of the stress away, but it's only making her more reluctant.

So she's more of a traditionalist. Is there anything wrong with that?

Kate startles when her computer pings. She didn't click on anything after she sent her e-mail, so why is it - oh. Apparently you can use this e-mail service to IM and NYwriter is online. Has her e-mail always been able to do that? Have they regressed back a decade?

NYwriter: You still there?

She hesitates. This is too much too fast. Can't they just go back to e-mails and hold off on the direct conversations?

Coffeelover19: Yeah I'm here.

She lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and chastises herself for it. This is not high school. She's not sitting here waiting for him to ask her out.

NYwriter: Saw this as an option, thought we could give it a try. If you can be offended about me thinking you might be into Sparks, can I be offended about your hatred toward Poe?

Kate smirks. Okay so maybe this form of chatting won't be that bad.

Coffeelover19: Go right ahead. Still won't make me change my opinion.

NYwriter: Fair enough. And to answer your question, I've been blessed with the perfect child. She gives me no trouble. Well other than going behind my back and signing me up for this website. Although it does make me wonder what else she's done that I don't know about...

Coffeelover19: The fact that she's a teenager with divorced parents and two separate homes makes me think that there's so much you don't know. But again, I'm just basing this off of personal experience.

Coffeelover19: But feel free to tell me if I'm out of line here. I've never dated anyone with kids before and I'm probably saying all of the wrong things.

 _Shit._ She did not just type that and send it to him. She takes it back. This form of chatting _is_ that bad. Can they just go back to their proofread e-mail conversations?

Coffeelover19: Not that this is -

Coffeelover19: Not that we are -

NYwriter: It's okay, I know what you mean.

She breathes a sigh of relief, but still feels the tension trapped between her shoulder blades. Now she has to take extra time to respond to his messages to make sure something like _that_ doesn't happen again.

NYwriter: But no, my kid only has the one home. Her mother isn't around much. And no, no what you're saying is fine. I trust my daughter. You're just making me more curious about your past behavior than anything.

Coffeelover19: I do believe my past behavior is none of your business. And that you have still have another question I asked you, being left unanswered.

NYwriter: And I do believe you made it my business when you brought it up. And really? You're going to make me say it?

Kate finds herself smiling again as she types out her response.

Coffeelover19: Just your typical rebel child. It's not like I committed crimes or anything. And yes, I'm going to make you say it.

God, she's flirting with him. So much for thinking talking to an internet stranger would be hard.

NYwriter: Rebel child huh? So how many odd tattoos and piercings do you have?

NYwriter: And fine. One night stands have been my specialty as of late. Something I'm very mortified that my daughter picked up on.

Coffeelover19: Why are tattoos and piercings synonymous with being a rebel child?

NYwriter: How many?

Kate hums, chewing on her lower lip as she tries to figure out if she wants to answer this question. She doesn't tell very many people about her tattoo. She tells even less about the naval ring she once had.

Coffeelover19: My ears are pierced. Just once.

NYwriter: And?

Coffeelover19: What makes you think there's more?

NYwriter: If you could see me right now, you'd see that I'm raising my eyebrows at you in question.

He's persistent. She'll give him that much.

Coffeelover19: My naval _was_ pierced, once upon a time. I still have the tattoo.

NYwriter: Ha! I knew I was right. What is it? _Where_ is it?

Coffeelover19: Let's save that information for another time, shall we? Right now I think we should backtrack to these one night stands of yours.

NYwriter: Okay, okay I get it. I sound like a bit of a man-whore. But when you get ripped apart by marriages and relationships enough times, it makes you want to give up on relationships for a while. And my family apparently thinks I'm ready to get back out there. For real.

She finds herself hesitating again about how much she actually wants to share. But he's opening up. It's only fair that she does too.

Coffeelover19: Hey, I wasn't judging. I haven't exactly been in a serious relationship in a while myself. But, uh, if you don't mind me asking, do you think you're ready to be back out there?

His reply doesn't come right away, and she's worried she said the wrong thing. She doesn't want to scare him off. Doesn't want him to think that she's only talking to him because she's looking for a relationship. She's starting to realize that she really does enjoy talking to him, that he's a nice break in her day.

NYwriter: At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, I'm ready enough to keep talking to you.

Kate almost feels herself blush at his words.

Coffeelover19: Well Mr. NYwriter, whose name I don't know, I'll be here to listen.

NYwriter: Do you think we're ready for names? I kind of like the complete anonymity thing we have going on. Makes it just like those mystery novels we both enjoy so much.

Coffeelover19: If this was just like those mystery novels, you would be planning to come murder me in my sleep.

NYwriter: I would never.

She snorts.

"So reassuring," Kate mumbles under her breath as her fingers fly across the keys.

Coffeelover19: Good to know. Well I have an early wakeup call tomorrow so I must bid you good night.

NYwriter: Until tomorrow?

Her fingers freeze over the keyboard. Castle always says that instead of saying goodbye like a normal person. Castle, who is a divorced, mystery novelist with a perfect teenage daughter. Does he like Poe? She can't remember.

Kate shakes her head, trying to convince herself that this is all a large coincidence. This guy may not even be published. Writing could just be his hobby. And there has to be more than one single dad in this city with a well behaved daughter. This can't be him. She's not ready to believe it.

But then again, she doesn't believe in coincidences, does she?

Coffeelover19: Uh yeah. But before we go, you sure you won't tell me your name?

Another long pause which causes her breath to catch in her throat. She thinks back over his words, his writing voice. It sounds like him. And oh god, did she really just tell Richard Castle about her tattoo? She'll never hear the end of that one.

NYwriter: Alex. Good night, lover of coffee.

Alex. _Alex._ That is in no way a form of Richard. She can feel the tension starting to melt out of her shoulders. Coincidence. That's all this was. She's not talking to Richard Castle here. Although she may as well have just stumbled upon his doppelganger.

But she reads through his messages again, and each time they sound more and more like him. Maybe he lied about his name for whatever reason. Maybe he's trying to protect his celebrity identity which he thinks is so much larger and well-known than it actually is. She's going to have to uncover the truth another way, get him to confess using the information she's gathered about him over the past year and a half.

Now a part of her actually hopes this really is Castle, or else she's about to scare away a really nice guy named Alex.

* * *

Alex hadn't been a _complete_ lie. Alexander was his middle name after all. Or it had been before he'd changed it to Edgar anyway. But there was still this lingering feeling that not telling her his name was Rick was going to come back and bite him in the ass.

He'd had his reasons for lying. He worried that telling her his real first name would spur some kind of Beckett-style detective work and she'd figure out who he really was. And he wanted to get to know her better before he revealed his true identity. She loved the mystery genre after all, so he could only assume that she'd read his books. And he didn't want her opinion of his writing to influence her opinion of him as a person.

Of course, he was probably giving Coffeelover19 too much credit. She was no Kate Beckett - her detective skills were probably subpar in comparison. There really wasn't anyone quite like his latest muse.

Castle shakes his head, trying to get thoughts of Beckett out of his mind. This wasn't supposed to be about her to begin with. He pulls his laptop back towards him and starts typing his new friend with no name an e-mail for tomorrow.

 _I enjoyed our little chat today. Hope to catch you online again sometime so we can do it again. That instant response is so much more satisfying than waiting around for an e-mail. But you know, now that I've told you my name, it's only fair that you tell me yours in return. But first names only here! Have to keep that mystery alive somehow._

He pauses. There has to be something more he can add. Some new personal line of inquiry that will get her talking and opening up again.

 _So about that tattoo..._

Castle groans and hits the backspace button until the phrase is deleted. No, that isn't good enough. There has to be something else.

 _So uh, you know I haven't had a serious relationship in a while because of my divorce, but you never told me your secret. How bad was your last break up that your friend forced you into joining this website? I understand if it's something you don't want to talk about, but if you do, like you said, I'm here to listen._


	4. Chapter 4

Kate finds herself watching him at work the next morning, like his actions will somehow clue her in as to whether he's really the one e-mailing her or not. But nothing out of the ordinary happens. He brings her coffee, tosses around a ridiculous theory about their latest case, teases Esposito about the date he had last night that Ryan accidentally told him about. Just a regular day with her shadow.

She catches a spare moment, during a lull in their case, to check her e-mail. Maybe there will be some new tidbit he's offered up. Another clue. But his message gives away nothing. And now he wants to know her name. If this is Castle, and she tells him her real name, will he automatically think it's her? Kate is a common name. But so is Rick and he still went with Alex. If this is even really him at all...

 _Okay fine. My name is Katie._

So her dad is the only one who still calls her that. It's still her name. It's not technically a lie.

 _But I did enjoy our chat yesterday. Think you'll be on again tonight? If I don't get stuck at work we should do it again. You're right, it does feel more like an actual conversation than e-mailing does. But you're a writer. You don't mind long e-mail responses, do you? Gives you the opportunity to say more than an IM would._

She reads over the second half of his e-mail again. He's asking about Will. Someone Castle has actually met and knows about. She tries to keep her response as vague as possible.

 _We were pretty serious. But he took a job in another city and I didn't follow him. And I really don't think he's the reason my friend made me join this site. I still don't understand her reasoning, but I know he wasn't it. Maybe she thinks I work too much. But I think I work just as much as she does. Well anyway, things have been over between us for a while, which is why I think my friend's insistence stems from something else. I do still think about him sometimes though, find myself wondering about what could have been. Do you have any exes like that? Someone you think about and wonder "what if I didn't let her get away?"_

Kate scans over the message again, trying to decide if she wants to keep in that last bit. She's not sure why she felt compelled to write that. She _has_ thought about Will, wondered what would have happened if she had followed him to Boston or if he had never taken the job to begin with. But it's not like she still misses him. Even after seeing him again last year, she doesn't feel the need to continually dwell on their break up. Maybe she's just trying to relate to this guy's divorce. Or, well, two divorces if it's Castle.

Her eyes flick over to him again. He's standing in the break room now, talking on the phone to someone. Her coffee mug, which she just now realizes is missing from her desk, sits in his other hand. When did he even take that?

"You know, if he's taking too long to get your coffee, you could just go get it yourself," Esposito teases.

She turns to look at him instead. "No, I just realized my mug was gone. When did he take it?"

"About ten minutes ago," Ryan shrugs. "And then his phone rang and he never came back."

"Some detective you are," Esposito mumbles with a laugh, earning a fist bump from his partner.

Kate rolls her eyes at them and turns back to her e-mail. She decides to keep what she has and hits send before pulling her work e-mail back up. Just as she refocuses herself on the case, Castle sits back down in his chair, placing the fresh coffee near her hand.

"Did you really take that mug while I was sitting here?" she asks.

Castle's eyes go wide like they do when he thinks he's done something wrong. "I, well yeah. There wasn't much left and I figured it was cold so I just -"

"No, Castle, I mean how didn't I notice you take it?"

His face softens and he shrugs. "You were pretty engrossed in whatever it was you were doing. Find a break in the case?"

She glances over her shoulder at the murder board. "No. Still nothing."

"I think I can change that," Ryan says. "The girlfriend just called. Confessed to lying about Nelson's alibi. Which now gives him ample time to have killed Peters before his night shift."

Kate nods. "Bring him in again. Let's see what we can get out of him now."

"And what are we going to do while they do that?" Castle asks.

She points back over at the murder board. "Figure out exactly what to ask him to make him crack."

* * *

Castle settles into his office chair and pulls up his e-mail, ignoring the Nikki Heat chapter begging to be written in the background. Katie. Her name is Katie. So another Katherine. Or a Katelyn. Maybe even Katrina?

He's over thinking this.

"Still talking to that girl from the chat room?" Alexis asks, her head popping into his office.

He nods. "Just reading her latest e-mail."

"Yeah? You guys still talking about books?"

"Um," he glances back down at her message. "I don't think so, but I had just started to read it when you came in."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," she says, starting to shy away from the door.

"Nonsense," Castle motions for her to come back into the room. "I always have time for you, Pumpkin."

Alexis grins, heading for one of the overstuffed chairs. "So are you prepared to start thanking Gram and I yet?"

"What, are you asking if it was love at first e-mail?"

She smirks at him. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

Castle shoots her a look. "She's very nice and I enjoy talking to her."

"Dad. _Very nice_? That doesn't sound like an instant love connection."

"I wasn't looking for an instant love connection. I wasn't looking for anything. You and your grandmother are the ones who decided I should be looking on the internet for...whatever this is."

She sighs. "Okay fine, but let me ask you this. Do you enjoy talking to her enough that you're not going to read anymore messages from the other woman?"

He thinks back on the other messages mostly telling him about his "hot single dad" status.

"Yeah I think I'm going to stick with her, with Katie."

"Katie huh?" She's smirking at him again.

"Don't look at me like that. This has nothing to do with Beckett."

Alexis laughs and pushes herself out of the chair. "I'm not the one who brought her into this conversation, Dad. That was all you."

She heads back out of his office and he glances back down at his e-mail with a sigh.

"Nothing to do with her," Castle mutters, continuing to read Katie's message.

Oh wow, she really opened up in this one. Or at least more than she has in any of the other messages. He knows a few people whose relationships have ended because of a move to another city and he knows how much it sucks from experience. That's how he lost Kyra.

 _Well Katie, it's a pleasure to officially make your acquaintance. And yeah. I do have an ex that I like to think of as the one who got away. And I lost her the same way you lost your guy there. She moved to London of all places on me and I didn't follow her or try to stop her. We met in college, but I still think about her from time to time. I even have a picture of her tucked away somewhere amongst my bookshelves. I wouldn't have the daughter that I have if I had married her, but I still wonder what would have happened if I did. Would we have made it? Should I have gone after her? It's hard to ignore all of the 'what ifs' in life. But I found happiness in my life without her and all I can is hope that she did too._

 _I know you mentioned you wanted to IM again tonight, but it appears that you're not online right now. Guess we missed each other. Or maybe you're still caught up at work. We could try and plan a time to both be online again. Perhaps that would be easier than leaving it up to fate. Let me know what works for you and your schedule. Because I enjoy long winded just as much as the next writer, but I definitely prefer the conversational feel of IM._

* * *

She'd read his e-mail before going to bed, trying to pick out anything resembling Richard Castle from his words. She doesn't know enough about his personal life to know who this ex of his is. But maybe if she can get him talking about exes with her, the one in London will come up. His writing voice is becoming more prominent in his e-mails now. She almost went as far as to pick up one of his books to compare. But she didn't have to because that's the part of him that she _knows_ , the part of him that's been with her since her early 20s.

She still may not have officially confirmed it, but she's pretty sure Castle is the one she's been talking to. Although as she watches him now, gaping at the bride with the deceased bridesmaid, she thinks she may have just found the confirmation she's been looking for in the form of the ex who left for London.

"You two know each other?" Kate asks, hesitantly, knowing she's stating the obvious.

"That would be an understatement," Castle tells her.

She watches them interact for a moment, not even fully aware that she's doing it. He seems so at ease around her. Kate finally gets her thoughts back on the case and moves off to find Lanie to ask her about the body. Her focus lasts only until she walks in on Castle staring after the bride as she walks away with her fiancé.

"Kyra Blaine," he whistles. "Wow."

"I take it she was someone very special," Kate says, watching his face for a reaction.

"She's the one that got away."

She freezes in the doorway as he walks out past her. That's how Alex had described his London girl. It was Castle describing Kyra. She sees that now.

There's a part of her that's still trying to pass this whole thing off as a coincidence. Like there could still be some small possibility that Alex and Castle aren't one in the same. But she doesn't know why she's trying so hard anymore to prove that they're separate people. So she's been e-mailing Castle, so what? It's not like she doesn't already talk to the guy every day. And no one said that this new relationship had to go anywhere beyond e-mails. She doesn't have to start dating Castle just because they met on an online dating website.

But there's something about the way he acts around Kyra that sends a pang straight to her gut. She's never seen him like this and it almost makes her feel something resembling jealousy. But why would she be jealous of him and his ex-girlfriend? His ex-girlfriend who should be getting married right now, no less. So he acts like he might still be in love with Kyra. So what? It doesn't have anything to do with her. It doesn't.

So then why does she feel like she just lost someone she never had to begin with?

* * *

"We met in college," Castle starts when the hotel elevator doors close on them. "We were together nearly three years."

Kate glances at him through her peripheral vision. "I didn't ask."

"Yes. You were not asking very loudly."

She smirks at that, recalling telling him nearly the same thing in regards to Will last year. It takes her mind back to their e-mail conversation and for a moment she almost considers just coming out and asking him about it.

"She's different from your ex-wives," Kate muses instead.

He raises an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"

"She's real. I didn't think you went for real. Tough breakup?"

She catches the brief pause in his demeanor. The way her words must have taken him back to another place, another time. "It was a long time ago."

Kate knows she should let the conversation end there. Knows that if it weren't for those stupid e-mails she would. But she doesn't.

"I know that it's not really any of my business, but you seem like you're still in love with her."

"Do you ever stop loving 'the one that got away?' I mean you give them that title for a reason."

"You're not going to do anything stupid are you? Like try and talk her out of marrying this guy?"

"I respect the fact that she chose him and not me. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but I respect her choices. All I've ever wanted is for her to be happy."

She bites her lower lip and nods, not knowing what else to say as they step out of the elevator.

"Kyra said you two got stuck in an elevator together earlier today. She seems to like you," Castle tells her.

"She does?"

He nods, holding open the door for her as they exit the hotel lobby.

"She told me that you only dedicate books to people you really care about," Kate starts hesitantly. "Is that true?"

When he looks over at her, she swears he's tossing her that same smile he was using with Kyra earlier. "Absolutely."


	5. Chapter 5

She'd practically bit his head off today. Because yes, Kyra does bring out this different side in him, one that is so quick to defend the woman and shoot down theories he'd normally be hopping up and down over. They'd fought over it; fought like they used to back when the idea of him being around hadn't grown on her yet.

 _"You're just too close to this case to see it."_

 _"You mean I'm just too close to her?"_

She'd even pulled some bullshit line about how the "real Richard Castle" would be acting if he didn't have a personal involvement in this case. She could just taste the bitterness on her tongue. She was jealous. Jealous of what she still wasn't sure. But if someone she had been close to was accused of murder, like Will for instance, she knows that it would be hard for her to accept the reality of it. That she would have blinders on just like Castle does.

Which is why she feels like she took their argument a step too far today. But it all just brings about another fact she's not quite ready to handle: she's developing feelings for him. Feelings that have been there, but that the e-mails have nudged to the surface.

She doesn't want to fall for him. Maybe it's because of the way he can be so infuriating at times, or maybe it's because she's just afraid of getting hurt by him. His playboy image hasn't left him, his admission about the one night stands during their IM session having proved that.

But then she sees the way Kyra looks at him. It's nothing like the looks given to him by Meredith. Kate can still see the love that was once there, alongside the regret at having lost it. It tells her that he wasn't always like this. That maybe, just maybe, if something becomes of this, _of them_ , they might be able to make it.

Kate shakes her head, trying to chase the thoughts away. Why is she even thinking about this? She doesn't even know for sure if she likes him in that way. And then she groans because this whole thing has her feeling like she's back in high school again.

She scrubs a hand over her face and pulls up her e-mail. She never did respond to him. Meeting his "one who got away" in person was too much to handle at the time. She starts typing up a response when her computer pings with the now familiar sound of an IM. He's online right now.

NYwriter: I guess fate works too.

She's confused by his statement initially, until she scans back over his last e-mail and realizes he's referencing himself about planning a time to IM again.

Coffeelover19: I suppose you could say that.

NYwriter: What, you don't believe in fate?

She can almost hear the "detective" at the end of that phrase.

 _What, you don't believe in fate, Detective?_

Hasn't he said that to her before? Or at least some version of it?

Coffeelover19: I'm not sure what I believe anymore.

NYwriter: Rough day?

Coffeelover19: Complicated is more like it. How was yours?

NYwriter: Unbelievable. My ex that I was telling you about, the one who moved to London, I ran into her today at her wedding of all places. Circumstances have it being postponed and we got to talking and ended up meeting up at our old spot in the city. And I guess we just got wrapped up in the moment because I kissed her and it felt like nothing had changed.

Kate grumbles, making a mental note to chastise him for this tomorrow. He'll no doubt show up on the surveillance they put out on Kyra. She specifically told him to stay away from her, a person of interest in their ongoing murder investigation. He's never going to learn to listen is he? He's always just going to go off and do his own thing.

Coffeelover19: She's getting married and you thought it would be a good idea to try and rekindle your old flame?

NYwriter: It's not like that. We just wanted to talk somewhere away from the craziness. But we got there and started reminiscing and the kiss just sort of happened. If your ex who moved away came back, wouldn't you have done the same thing?

She _had_ done the same thing. Let herself believe for a moment that he might actually stay and they might actually get their second chance. But he hadn't been engaged to anyone.

Coffeelover19: Well sure, but not if he was going to marry someone else.

NYwriter: You say that now, but if it actually happened to you, you'd think differently. You really want the one who got away to get away again?

Coffeelover19: Then maybe that's not who he is for me because I don't feel that way.

His next message doesn't come right away, and she's back to that feeling of having said the wrong thing. It's that damn jealousy again. That little voice in the back of her head telling her that if he manages to get back together with Kyra, there's no chance for her.

Why does she even want a chance? She doesn't want him.

She can't.

NYwriter: Look, I'm not trying to take what isn't mine. But after two failed marriages... oh right, I haven't mentioned that. I got married again after my daughter's mother and I got divorced. But the second marriage didn't work out so well either. Anyway, after two failed marriages it was nice to have someone look at me again the way she does. It's like she can look at me without seeing...hate.

Coffeelover19: She can't be the only person who looks at you like that. What about your daughter?

NYwriter: It's different. I don't know how to explain it.

He doesn't have to. She witnessed it. Saw the way they looked at each other first hand. Whatever they had back in college must have been something really special.

Coffeelover19: So what are you going to do about it?

NYwriter: I'm going to let her get married. After all she said yes to him and walked away from me. Doesn't mean it won't hurt any less though.

Coffeelover19: Well man who believes in fate, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

NYwriter: Yeah, I guess not. So what made your day complicated?

 _Everything we just talked about._

Coffeelover19: Umm it was a combination of things.

NYwriter: Hence the use of the word 'complicated.'

She doesn't know what to tell him. Mentioning that she's a cop is going to send off alarm bells and she doesn't doubt he'll put two and two together very quickly. But she's not ready for him to know that it's her just yet. She likes talking to him like this and she fears the moment he finds out it's her, all of this will stop.

Which brings about that nagging feeling that she wants him again. When did this happen? Mere days ago she was telling Lanie that she would never consider going out with him. Could it really be because Kyra was threatening to take him away?

Coffeelover19: It's something I'd rather not get into if that's okay.

NYwriter: That's fine then. We'll talk about something else. Like what the 19 in your username stands for. It's not your age is it?

Ha no. She hasn't been 19 since...since her mother was alive. And even then she'd only been 19 for a couple of months before -

Coffeelover19: It's just a random number the site generated. Coffeelover was already taken.

NYwriter: Imagine that. Other people also love coffee.

Coffeelover19: What, like you don't?

Shit. She hopes he interprets that as an assumption and not as her having knowledge first hand.

NYwriter: Well I do, but not as much as some people. Like you for instance or my - well I guess you could call her my partner.

Oh wonderful. Now she has to talk to him about herself without giving it away that she is...herself.

Coffeelover19: You have a partner? What like a writing partner?

NYwriter: Well sort of. She's more like my muse though.

God, not that phrase again. She still hates it when he calls her that.

Coffeelover19: Your muse, huh? What'd she do to earn that title?

NYwriter: She's extraordinary. The moment I met her I knew she had a great story that I wanted to tell.

Extraordinary. That's what he had called her in his _Heat Wave_ dedication.

Coffeelover19: And does she mind you telling her story?

NYwriter: She did at first, but I like to think I've grown on her.

"Oh Castle, if you only knew," Kate whispers to herself.

NYwriter: So I'd say from our earlier conversation about books that you're an avid reader. Have any favorite authors? I mean I already told you about Poe.

Where is he going with this? She got him talking about Nikki Heat so now he's ready to reveal his lie about Alex?

Coffeelover19: Oh I have a few.

NYwriter: That's all I get? No names?

Coffeelover19: Well it says in your profile, and your user name, that you're a writer. What if I list you as a favorite and inflate your ego? Or worse, that I don't and bruise your ego?

Don't make her say it. Come on, Castle, just out yourself already.

NYwriter: What makes you think you've read anything I've written? I could be a nobody for all you know.

She's read everything that he's written. including the one she now realizes he dedicated to Kyra.

Coffeelover19: Are you a nobody?

NYwriter: … define nobody.

Coffeelover19: Have you ever written a best-seller?

NYwriter: …yes.

Coffeelover19: Then you're not a nobody.

This was getting a tad bit ridiculous. Castle is normally all over the place, assuming his fame is bigger than it actually is.

NYwriter: I promise you, you won't affect my ego in any way. Who's your favorite author?

Coffeelover19: Just one? You've gone from wanting my reading list to a single name I adore the most?

NYwriter: Maybe I'll get lucky and that singular person will be me.

It _is_ you.

Coffeelover19: Fine. Tell me who you really are and I'll let you know if you're my favorite or not.

NYwriter: No can do. It could influence your decision.

Coffeelover19: I can assure you it won't.

NYwriter: Which means you already have an author in mind. A favorite beyond the rest. So spill who is this mystery author?

Coffeelover19: He does, in fact, write mysteries. Good for you, figuring that out on your own.

NYwriter: Hmmm Connelly? Patterson? King?

She pauses, her fingers hovering over the keys, debating if this is really where she wants to take this.

Coffeelover19: Castle.

NYwriter: All the greats in the world and you go with him?

"Oh please," Kate murmurs, typing out her next response. "Like you don't think very highly of yourself already."

Coffeelover19: He _is_ great. And his books helped me get through…a really tough time in my life, so I have him to thank for that.

That's something she's never told him in person. He doesn't know what his books have done for her. She had never planned to tell him, but she sort of just did. He'll know when he finally realizes that Coffeelover19 is her.

NYwriter: Well, I'll be sure to thank him for you then.

Oh here we go. Does she continue to play dumb here?

Coffeelover19: You know him?

NYwriter: I am him.

If she didn't have confirmation before she definitely has it now.

Coffeelover19: So then why Alex?

NYwriter: It's part of my middle name. I didn't want to freak you out before by revealing who I was too soon. Is it too soon? Are you freaked out?

She moved past freaked out a day or two ago. By now she's finally entered acceptance.

Coffeelover19: No. Not everyone gets to chat with their favorite author on a daily basis.

NYwriter: Good. I'd hate to scare you away.

Coffeelover19: Trust me, it'll take more than that to scare me away. I should head to bed though. Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Castle.

NYwriter: Please, you can call me Rick.

Nope. She can't do that. To switch from calling him Castle to Rick after two years is really going to mess with her head. Especially if she has to keep straight when she's calling him what.

Coffeelover19: Well whatever your name is, good night.

* * *

She watches them the next day, saying their goodbyes in the conference room. The real killer had been caught and Kyra was free to go and marry her fiancé. Castle was true to his word and he was letting her go. Kyra moves to leave and Kate quickly looks away, feeling her cheeks color at the thought of being caught staring. But she senses the woman headed toward her desk so she looks back up and finds her smiling at her.

"He's all yours," Kyra says, before walking away.

Kate sits there stunned for a moment, before looking back over at Castle. He's hers? _Hers_. But -

Castle looks up and catches her staring, tossing her a lop-sided grin.

 _Oh_.

Oh no. She thinks that she's his too.


	6. Chapter 6

He watches the case crumple her. Watches as her mouth draws into an even thinner and thinner line as her frustration and anger grow. Watches her turn to ice and then crack apart over and over again. Her mother's case back from the dead, back to haunt her.

He'd been with her when she found out, when Lanie and Dr. Murray had broken the news to her about the weapon and cause of death being the same as those that took her mother. She'd looked sick and he wanted more than anything to follow her out of the squad room as she fled. But she'd surprised him by showing up at his loft later, more determined than ever to catch Johanna's killer.

She surprised him even more when she let her guard down around him outside of the interrogation room. He'd never seen her so raw before. And in the few private moments they shared there, he'd managed to bring a smile to her face, to crack apart the pain even just for a little while.

But her little reprieve didn't last long. Their target didn't show and he catches her in the break room more tense than ever. He's itching to reach over and rub the tension out of her shoulders or at the very least reach across and squeeze her hand in reassurance. But they don't do things like that. It's like it would be crossing some unspoken barrier that remains between them that he really wishes didn't.

"I let her down," Kate says softly.

Okay now he just wants to hug her, to hold her. He hates seeing his strong detective like this. Her pain is enough to break him.

"No, you didn't."

"Rathborne's in the wind, Dick Coonan's about to walk. I missed something."

"Could have been me," Castle offers, trying to ease some of the burdens from her mind. "Rathborne could have checked the routing number and realized the money was coming from my account, not Dick's. I was arrogant."

"I didn't think you were arrogant, Castle, I thought what you did was sweet and I will pay you back."

"Negative, Ghost Rider; small price to pay for a shot at your mother's killer."

"Her killer."

"What?" he asks, watching the wheels turn in her mind, her face lighting up as it comes to a solution.

She thinks it's Coonan. That he's been playing them all along. But when she confronts him about it, he gets the upperhand and the next thing Castle knows, he has a gun to his back. The combination of fear and panic that flash across Beckett's face has the newly formed knot in his gut pulling even tighter. And the scene that unfolds next is enough to make him feel like he's going to be sick.

She kills him. Kills the only lead in her mother's case in order save _his_ life. As he pulls her back from her incessant attempts to save Coonan, he just knows that things will never be the same between them again. She'll probably ask him to leave. Whatever they had, it's bound to be over now.

They part their separate ways after that, not saying much else to each other. Kate goes to clean off Coonan's blood and Castle leaves just to get out of there. He almost feels like a coward for waiting to talk to her until the chaos has calmed down a bit, but he can barely look at her right now. He can't help but feel responsible. Her lead is dead just so he could stay alive.

Castle pulls out his phone once he's outside and decides to shoot Katie an e-mail. He's been using her to vent quite a bit lately, and boy does he ever need a good vent session right about now. He wanders into the coffee shop around the corner from the precinct, and slides into a table by the window.

 _I just need someone to vent to right now and I hope you don't mind if I unload all of this on you. I think I really just screwed things up with my partner, with my muse. Being a fan of mine, I'm sure that you know that Nikki Heat is based off of a real person, a real detective. Well she's had this case, probably the most important one to her in her whole career, and she finally got a fresh lead this week. But her lead, her one piece of evidence, she had to kill him in order to save me. I can't express how important this case is to her without divulging personal details about her that really aren't mine to tell, but it's damn important._

 _If I hadn't been there though, I wouldn't have been made a target, and she wouldn't have had to kill him. She could have finally gotten the answers she so desperately desires. But instead she had to save me. Now I...I really care about her. So I have to do the right thing and stop shadowing her, right? I never meant to get in her way when I started, not like this._

 _But I'm also selfish and I don't want to lose her from my life. I've known her for two years and she just...she...she means a lot to me and as more than just someone who inspired my next best seller._

 _I know you can't tell me what to do here, but thanks for listening. I really hope she doesn't hate me._

He sends the message off and looks over to the counter, debating if buying her coffee at this time of night is an acceptable peace offering. He decides against it, but thinks that getting her dinner may be a better option. He doesn't know what she's in the mood for, so maybe he'll just get a little bit of everything. She can pick and choose from there.

Castle heads back out into the quickly falling night, hoping beyond hope that she doesn't hate him.

* * *

She's seated back at her desk in clean clothes, her hands having been scrubbed raw to rid them of Coonan's blood. Her hair is still damp from her shower, so she clips it up, settling in to read Montgomery's incident report. She hates that her single lead is dead, but knows she would hate having a dead Castle even more. She did what she had to do and doesn't regret the decision she made. Kate just wishes she had managed to clip his shoulder, or shoot him somewhere else that wouldn't have been fatal. She wanted to save them both.

Her mind settles back onto Castle and she wonders where he wandered off to. If she knows him like she thinks she does, he probably blames himself for what happened. Then she wonders if he messaged Katie, needing a neutral outlet to vent to. The only problem is, she's anything but neutral.

Kate slides her chair closer to her computer and pulls up her personal e-mail. Sure enough there's an e-mail from him there waiting for her, time stamped 20 minutes ago. She clicks it open and feels her chest clench as she reads his words. He...he...oh my god. How the hell is she supposed to respond to that?

 _Don't worry, Castle, I don't want to lose you either._

She can't keep this up for much longer. He has to know, she _needs_ him to know. She's still sitting there stunned, clutching Montgomery's report in her other hand, when she notices Castle walk in. She quickly makes it look like she's been busy reading the file.

"Montgomery's post-incident evaluation," she says with a small smile. "You come off like Steven Seagal."

"Should I be flattered or insulted?" Castle asks, with a slight scrunch of his eyebrows.

"Both," Kate smirks.

She watches him sit down in his chair, placing several bags of takeout on her desk.

"I didn't know what you felt like so I got sushi, I got some Italian, got some Thai, even grabbed some hot dogs," he says, unpacking everything.

Amusement dances in her eyes for a moment until she sees this food offering for what it really is, a guilt trip. Add this on top of the words in his e-mail, he feels awful about the whole thing. She has to reassure him that it's okay, that _they're_ okay. She doesn't want him out of her life either.

"It wasn't your fault, you know."

His gaze drops and he fidgets with the chopsticks for the Thai food and the lapel of his jacket. He's quiet for a moment, searching for the right words to say.

"I overstepped. I came down here to say that I was sorry, and that I'm through."

Her eyes widen at his words. He had mentioned thinking about quitting in his e-mail, but she didn't really think he'd go through with it. What happened to needing her in his life? Or did he say wanting...

"I can't shadow you anymore," Castle continues. "If it wasn't for me -"

"If it wasn't for you I would have never found my mom's killer," Kate cuts him off, needing desperately for him to see that this wasn't his fault. "And someday soon I'm going to find the sons of bitches who had Coonan kill her, and I'd like you around when I do. And if you tell anyone what I'm about to say there's going to be another shooting but… I've gotten used to you pulling my pigtails. I've a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun."

She shoots him a knowing look, waiting for him to concede and agree to stay.

"Your secret's safe with me," he says with a small smile.

She nods and hands him the chopsticks, knowing he's been eyeing the box of Thai. She pulls the sushi towards herself, but eyes the Italian as well. If she wants whatever's become of them to work, she knows she's going to have to open herself up more to him. Tell him things she normally wouldn't.

"I feel like I could probably eat all of this myself," she tells him, lifting a piece of sushi to her lips. "I've been too stressed to eat the last few days."

"Yeah I've noticed that," Castle says, popping open the Thai takeout container. "I mean, I don't know what or if you ate when you went home, but when you were here you were working straight through lunch."

"It's a bad habit on cases like this," she admits sheepishly. "And part of the reason I didn't want to get sucked back into this particular case. It consumes me, you know? Becomes all I can think about. And this was just a taste."

"I'll be your reality check," he offers, twirling a noodle around his chopsticks. "I got you back into this after all."

Kate takes another bite. "Thank you, I appreciate that. But no, it's good. The thought of actually solving it seems a lot more tangible now than it used to. We have a name now, a face. We just need to figure out who he was working for."

"And you think that can be done?" he asks around a mouthful of food. He swallows. "I mean, without Coonan around to lead us to them?"

"There has to be some way. I refuse to believe that is the end of the road for this case when the discovery has only just begun."

"So where do we go from here? Search through Coonan's apartment for clues? Are we even allowed to do that?"

She taps her pair of chopsticks to her chin. "What do you think the chances are that this case will just fall into our laps again?"

"Since when do you believe in coincidences?"

She almost laughs at that. She doesn't. And even when she tried to, when she wanted to believe that Alex and Castle were two different people, she was proven wrong.

"I don't," Kate replies with a smirk. "And this has nothing to do with coincidence and everything to do with chance. I don't know what the next step is. I don't know how we go about finding out who hired Coonan. But I just...I know that we will."

Castle smiles at her while digging another noodle out of the take out carton. "You have faith."

"Maybe. Or maybe it's only blind hope. Something that I want too badly to really see how difficult it will be to achieve. Because honestly, what are the odds of this case crossing my desk again with involvement to a different homicide?"

But then again, what are the chances that she and Castle would find each other on an obscure online dating website?

"I think it's still faith," he says, pointing his chopsticks in her direction. "And that we'll solve this someday together."

"You telling me that you have faith too?"

"I do. I have faith in you."

* * *

 _You want to know what I think, Rick? I think you worry too much. She chose to save your life today. Chose you over her 'oh so important' evidence. If you meant nothing to her, if you were a nuisance, she might have chosen differently. But she didn't. She probably cares about you just as much. And I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Have you talked to her yet since this all happened? I'm sure once you do, you'll find whatever answer you're looking for._

 _Can I ask you something? Do you know what answer you're looking for? This might be crossing some line here, but I'm a curious person. Do you think there's something there between you and your partner? Or do you want there to be? Because on my end, it really sounds like there is. And maybe this is just me overanalyzing things, especially because I don't know how long ago your second divorce was, but do you think the reason you haven't been dating beyond one night stands is because of her? Even if it was just subconsciously?_

 _Sorry if I'm throwing too many questions at you at once. Word vomit, I think they call it. You just seemed so worried about losing her in your last e-mail, I'm trying to fill in the blanks. Maybe even fill them in for the both of us._

 _But yes don't worry. I'm here to listen. Rant away._

* * *

AN: I just wanted to take a quick moment to thank all of you for your amazing response to this story. You guys are seriously such a blessing. Also just a heads up that I've been hired for a new job and I start July 20 and I'm not sure of the impact it will have on my updating schedule. I'm hoping not much if at all, but I thought I would put this out there just in case. Thanks again you lovely people!


	7. Chapter 7

Oh she was going to kill him. He was sure of it. She had been forgiving over the Coonan thing, but this? He was a dead man walking for sure.

 _Though claiming to be single, Richard Castle is rumored to be romantically involved with NYPD detective, Kate Beckett. The inspiration for Nikki Heat, the heroine of his latest bestselling novel. Bachelor number nine may not be eligible for next year's list._

Sure, she hadn't seemed quite as annoyed by him as usual lately. And after the Coonan case, he'd actually been able to get her to admit that she liked having him around. But this? Tabloid rumors that they were dating? She wasn't going to be okay with that. Not one bit.

But when he joined her at the crime scene, preparing himself for the worst, she acted as though she hadn't even seen the article, which meant that she probably hadn't. Castle spent the better part of his morning trying to keep her away from the newspaper and the knowing grins of Ryan and Esposito. Maybe she never had to find out. Maybe -

A witness just ruined his morning of hard work.

"There's a picture of you in the paper?" Kate asks, turning her curious gaze on him.

"So are you the detective girlfriend?" the witness, Michelle, asks before Castle can answer her.

If he didn't know any better, he'd swear that Kate Beckett was blushing.

"I'm sorry, the what?" she asks, the pinkish red still blossoming across her face.

"He is such a catch," Michelle keeps going on, paying no mind to Kate's interjections.

Kate cuts her eyes back to Castle. He had expected to see anger there, swirling behind her irises, but he's met only with something he recognizes as confusion.

"Show me," she tells him.

He spies the paper sitting around in the break room and sheepishly retrieves it for her while Michelle excuses herself from the room. Castle watches her read it, still waiting for her anger to flare. But she remains surprisingly calm. Something is not right here.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Detective Beckett?" he asks as she puts the paper back down.

Kate sighs. "Do you really go around telling people that we're romantically involved?"

"No," Castle says slowly. "Because we're not."

"And how can they consider you an eligible bachelor if they think we're involved?"

"It does say rumored to be - seriously, Beckett, I was prepared for you to wring my neck over this. And you're okay with it?"

"Of course I'm not okay with it," she starts, jabbing a finger at the paper. "But what's the use in getting mad at you over it? You didn't write the article."

"Since when are you so rational?" he asks with a smirk.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm always the rational one. Now anyway, back to Michelle."

He lets her talk about the case, but his mind is already drifting elsewhere. He starts thinking about the latest e-mail from Katie again. The one asking if there was something more going on between him and his partner, between him and Beckett. The one that ever since he read, he's noticed a subtle change in said partner. It almost has him wondering if Katie _is_ Beckett. If she's the one planting these ideas in his head because she's the one who wants them there.

But if he's being honest with himself, it's more like she's watering the ideas instead of planting them because they've been there. He's the one who admitted he didn't want to lose her from his life. He's the one who likes the fact that they're in a rumored relationship. And so yeah, to answer the question from whomever is asking, he wants something more with his partner. And with the way she's been acting lately, she just might want that too.

* * *

"I have a problem," Kate announces, walking into the morgue.

"Not as much of a problem as Mr. Bishop has since he's on my table and all," Lanie responds, pulling off her gloves. "But go ahead."

"It's about NYwriter," she starts, chewing on her lower lip.

Lanie's face lights up. "Oooo your online man candy. What's the problem? Did he show you a picture and you no longer find him attractive? Is he married?"

"He's Castle."

Lanie raises an eyebrow at her. "He's Castle as in they could be twins personality wise or -"

"Or he's actually Castle," Kate finishes for her. "You know my shadow? It's him."

"And you have definitive proof?"

"He literally told me that it was him. And he was messaging me about Coonan a few days ago all freaked out."

"Wait, wait, wait. You know that it's him, but he doesn't know that it's you?"

Kate shrugs. "I don't think he knows. I've been telling him my name is Katie, which isn't a complete lie, and I've been trying really hard not to reveal any facts about myself that would give my identity away."

"So, do you have a game plan here?" Lanie asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I think he's falling for me," Kate says softly.

Lanie's eyes widen. "In online life or real life?"

"Real life. His e-mail after the Coonan thing, he sounded so terrified that he'd let me down and that I wasn't going to want him around anymore."

"And how does real you versus online you feel about this?"

"I - I think I'm falling for him too and it terrifies me. Because just before all of this e-mailing started I was saying that I would never go out with him. So what's changed?"

Lanie gives her a soft smile. "I haven't read your e-mails, but I would guess that he's shown you another side of himself in them. One that doesn't make him seem like that nine-year-old anymore. When are you going to tell him?"

"I can't just wait for him to figure it out?" Kate winces.

"You could do that. But he's told you that he is who he is. So when he finds out, he'll know that you knew it was him the whole time and that you didn't say anything."

"See, I told you I had a problem."

"Look wait until you're ready," Lanie tells her. "Because I know this is a big step for you. Just don't wait too long. And try not to push him away, Kate. I really do think he could be good for you."

* * *

He's been staring at his laptop screen with her e-mail open for far too long. He wants to respond, but can't find the words to say. His mind is stuck on the idea he had earlier today that he's been talking to Beckett this whole time, but he has no real proof that it's her. Katie is a common name and not one his Kate goes by. _His Kate._ Like she belongs to him or something. And if it is really her, she knows that it's him and hasn't said anything. But then again, would he have said anything if he had been the one to figure it out first?

His computer pings with the now familiar sound of an IM. She's online. Whoever she is.

Coffelover19: Did my last e-mail scare you away?

Castle smiles to himself as he starts typing.

NYwriter: Not at all. I was just trying to figure out how to respond.

Coffeelover19: So then it got you thinking about her and what she means to you.

Oh god if this really is Beckett, does he risk it all by putting it all out there on display? What he needs to know is if this is really her, or just a random thought that popped into his head because he _wants_ it to be her.

NYwriter: It did. But the conclusion I came to was nothing surprising.

It takes her a moment to respond, and her hesitation only increases his suspicions.

Coffeelover19: Care to share this conclusion?

If he tells her, maybe she'll reveal that it's really her. Or maybe it will just scare her away. Castle takes the risk anyway, hoping he knows her like he thinks he does.

NYwriter: I don't know if you saw the Ledger today, but I was named the 9th most eligible bachelor in the city. Accompanying that article was a blurb suggesting that I was in a romantic relationship with my partner. Now that part isn't true, we've never been more than partners or friends. And when I went into the Ledger today, partly for a case and partly to clear up the confusion, my contact there tried to set me up with number three on the city's most eligible bachelorette list. If this had happened a few months ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity to go out with this woman. But I turned her down.

Coffelover19: And why did you do that?

NYwriter: Because at that moment, my partner popped her in head back into the room and asked if I was coming (not in that way get your mind out of the gutter) and I couldn't focus on anything besides her smile.

He's answered with another long silence. So this is either Beckett coming to terms with all of this, or Katie is realizing that she doesn't have a shot with him because he's already fallen for someone else.

Coffeelover19: Do you love her?

Does he?

NYwriter: I don't think it's at the level of love yet. But can I see myself loving her someday? Yeah I think I can.

Coffeelover19: Two failed marriages and you still believe you can love again?

NYwriter: For the longest time I didn't. After Gina, my second wife, I vowed that I would never get married again. Fell into this pattern of one stands because they were easier and less messy. But I think seeing my ex, the one who got away, again reminded me how great being in love is when you're with the right person. And my partner? She doesn't put up with my shit and I think I need someone like that.

Coffeelover19: And do you think she feels the same way?

He really can't read her. What he needs is to change the subject and get her taking about herself so he can look for clues. He's starting to notice that he's been doing most of the sharing, which could very well point to Beckett trying to keep her identity hidden...or to Katie just being a private person.

NYwriter: I think that she's been different lately.

Coffeelover19: Bad different?

NYwriter: No, good different. It's hard to explain without knowing her. But enough about my confusing love life. How are things with you? Any big revelations on your end happening lately?

He knows asking that question is a long shot, but he goes for it anyway.

Coffeelover19: Now that's a loaded question.

NYwriter: Is it?

Coffeelover19: So maybe there is a guy. But if we both have people, why are we doing this?

NYwriter: Sometimes you just need that neutral third party to talk stuff over with. Someone who doesn't know all the players personally and can tell you like it is.

Even though talking to Beckett about Beckett is hardly that if that's what's happening here.

Coffeelover19: In that case, how do you feel about people who were friends first but start to want more?

Shit, is she talking about him? About _them_?

NYwriter: That's how all the rom coms do it, right? And if they're not friends first, they're people who started out hating each other, but eventually grew very fond of one another.

Coffeelover19: But rom coms are hardly real life.

NYwriter: Maybe not for everyone. Maybe I'm just an optimistic romantic, but I like to believe that there are some couples out there with the perfect story.

Coffeelover19: What makes a story perfect? A fairytale ending? The big 'happily ever after?'

NYwriter: No, nothing as elaborate as that. Just two people who find happiness in each other and decide to never let it go.

Coffeelover19: And you think you've found that with your partner?

NYwriter: Maybe. All I know is that if I never try and find out what we could be, I'll regret it later on.

Coffeelover19: And that sounds like a pretty big thing to have regrets over.

NYwriter: Yeah, that's why I need to figure out how she feels.

Coffeelover19: The answer might be more obvious than you think. Well I have an early morning tomorrow. So goodnight, Rick.

NYwriter: Goodnight

He almost writes Kate. Almost writes it because of how badly he wants this to be her. But again, he still has no proof. And if there's one thing Beckett has taught him about detective work, it's that jumping to conclusions without all the facts may leave you drowning.

NYwriter: Katie.

* * *

"Ah man, I can't wait to go home and just slip into a warm bath and…" Beckett trails off as they start to leave the precinct after closing the case.

"I…" Castle starts.

She 's sure the color drains from her face at that moment. She'd been so focused on the case today, she hadn't let their IM conversation from last night get to her. Not until now. She thinks he might be starting to suspect it's her. At the very least, she knows how he feels about her now and she's just not ready to get into that at the moment.

"Don't. Please. Don't," Kate says, the phrase laced with double meaning. She means it to stop him from talking about portions of that conversation from last night, but tries to make it sound like she's stopping him from making a comment about her naked in the bath instead.

"I was just going to say, I'm starving. You know Remi's is open all night, they've got those burgers."

Her stomach rumbles at the mention of food. "Oh and those shakes." She shoots him a glance, wondering to either of them if this is considered some sort of date. But she gives in anyway and loops her arm through his. "Oh why not."

He leads her toward the elevator, arm in arm, and she finds herself starting to twirl her hair with her other hand. She quickly stops, realizing that's something she hasn't done since her overly flirtatious days in college.

"So Alexis and I got into this playful discussion last night, and I'm hoping you can help us end it," Castle tells her as the elevator doors close around them.

"Okay. Discussion about what?"

"Rom coms. Real or not real?"

She nearly starts to protest that that's a conversation he had with her and not Alexis, but she catches herself.

"Not real. They're defined as fictional for a reason, Castle."

"But there's truth in fiction. The inspiration has to come from somewhere."

"You and I are not Nikki and Rook."

"Never said that we were."

She looks up at him, her arm still draped through his. "So let me guess. You were pro rom com in this argument and Alexis was against?"

The elevator opens up to the parking garage and she lets her arm fall away from him as she fishes out her car keys.

"She's pretty analytical you know," Castle says, trailing behind her. "A lot like you are."

"Are you implying that analytical people can't be romantic?"

"Not at all. I'm just saying that it's harder for you to find the magic in the abstract."

"Why do I feel like we're not talking about rom coms anymore?" Kate asks, unlocking her car.

He shakes his head, sliding into the passenger seat. "Forget it. I'll just tell Alexis she wins this round."

She stills outside of the driver's side. She clearly didn't say whatever he wanted her to when he started this conversation. But then what did he want from her?

"You gonna get in or do you actually want me to drive for once?"

She shakes her head, clearing her thoughts, and finally slides into her vehicle. Castle reaches over and touches her hand on the steering wheel.

"You okay?" he asks.

 _I might be falling in love you with you._

"Yeah," Kate says, giving him a small smile. "I'm fine. Now let's go eat."

* * *

AN: Thank you all for the warm wishes regarding my new job! Equally so, thank you for your patience and understanding with the delay on this chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

The previous case had given him an in. He'd learned that Beckett was a huge baseball fan thanks to growing up with her dad, something he planned to use to help him determine if Katie was Beckett. But as he started to compose an e-mail filled with baseball questions, he realized this might be tipping her off to ask so soon. If he went ahead with his original question, "What's your opinion on Joe Torre?" so soon after the case where Beckett had met the man, she would probably catch on to the fact that he's caught on to her. Unless, of course, his lingering doubt is actually correct and Beckett and Katie are two separate people.

Still, he deletes his baseball e-mail, favoring something else that might get him the answers he desires.

 _It's almost lunchtime and I'm starving, but I'm not allowed to get food yet. Okay well_ I'm _probably allowed since I don't actually work here, but eating in front of people who aren't eating can come across as rude. So let's talk food since that's clearly on my mind right now. Tell me about your favorites. Help me decide what I want to eat later._

 _And here's another, non-food related, question for you. As a woman (and as my friend, we're friends, right?) can I ask your opinion on something? I need a little advice regarding my partner. Feeling the way that I do about her, is that something I should tell her? Will it freak her out? I mean it's not like I would come right out and say to her "I think I could love you someday," but I want to tell her that I want more. That I think that she and I could be something really great if she just gives us a shot. If you were in her shoes, what would you do?/ how would you feel about this?_

 _Sorry if this is all a little overwhelming, I just need that neutral third party opinion we've been talking about._

He knows sending this could be a very big risk. That potentially, this is him already telling Beckett exactly how he feels. But until he gets his definitive proof that it's her, he has to keep operating under the guise that it isn't. Castle holds his breath as he pushes the send button on his phone. The answer he receives to this could change everything.

* * *

Kate finds herself reading his e-mail over and over again at her desk. Castle left to go find food, and she took the opportunity to check her personal e-mail since she saw him so diligently typing away on his phone a few minutes ago.

 _I think I could love you someday._

He'd said something similar in their IM conversation from the other day and she'd become stuck on that too. She still isn't sure how this happened. How they went from - whatever they were to whatever they are now. How did they get to this place where they're borderline in love with each other?

She poises her fingers over the keyboard, hoping to formulate some sort of response before he comes back. _Come on Kate, what are your favorite foods? It's a simple a question._ But she's still too focused on the second half of his e-mail to even begin addressing the first.

 _I want more too, Castle. And it scares the shit out of me._

She's not even sure how much time has passed with her staring blankly at her screen when Castle comes back, telling her he's bringing their lunches to the break room. _Their_ lunches? Oh, right. When he said he was leaving to pick up some food and he'd asked her if she wanted to come with, she had just told him to pick up something for her as well.

 _"You know what I like."_

She'd wanted the time alone to check her e-mail. At this point she was beginning to wish she had just gone with him.

Kate logs off of her personal e-mail and follows after him into the break room. Castle smiles when he sees her, nudging a wrapped sandwich toward the empty chair.

"I went to that deli around the corner, got your usual," he tells her.

"Why do you do that?" she asks, sliding out the chair and taking a seat.

"Do what?" he asks, starting to unwrap his own sandwich.

"Memorize my orders," she says slowly.

Castle laughs, pulling a napkin out of the sack. "It's not intentional. Okay, well maybe memorizing your coffee order last year was intentional. But this?" He gestures toward their lunch. "Not my fault you always order the same thing at this place. But think about it, you could probably order at Remi's for me."

"Do we really eat that many meals together?"

"We just have our favorite spots," he shrugs.

She starts to unwrap her sandwich, pausing to look back up at him. "Why did you intentionally memorize my coffee order?"

He smirks around his bite of food. "Just trying to get into your good graces. It worked, didn't it?"

She rolls her eyes, tossing a crumpled up straw wrapper at him.

"I think the real questions that should be getting answered here are the ones from this morning you refused to dignify with an answer," Castle says.

"And which ones would those be?" Kate asks, finally taking a bite of her sandwich.

"How can you tell the difference between custom-made and regular bondage cuffs and why do you know that only a handful of bondage shops in the city do custom work?"

She nearly chokes on her food.

"I mean, is this simply not the first bondage case you've stumbled across so you remember from that previous case or cases?" Castle continues. "Or do you know because you have your own pair sitting in your closet."

Kate narrows her eyes at him. "Why do you care about what I like in bed?"

His eyes grow wide at that. "Is that a yes to owning them?"

She shakes her head. "No. They're not in my closet." She takes another bite and swallows. "They're under my bed."

Castle instantly starts coughing around his ill-timed bite and Kate just smirks at him in amusement.

"Hey remember to breathe between bites there, Castle," Esposito says as he walks into the break room.

"She's trying to kill me," he wheezes, reaching for his drink.

"What, is she telling you about more impossible looking sex positions that she thinks are actually possible?" Esposito teases their conversation from earlier that morning.

Kate shoots him a look as Castle groans.

"Oh I forgot about that," Castle mutters. "That so isn't helping."

Esposito shoots them both a concerned glance as he waits for the espresso machine to turn out his coffee. "You know, on second thought, maybe I don't want to know what you two were talking about."

"It was harmless, Espo," Kate laughs. "Castle just can't take a joke."

"Oh no," Castle says, shaking his head. "You were not joking about that. You were serious."

"Was I?" she smirks.

He narrows his eyes at her and grumbles, picking his sandwich back up.

"Have you called that House of Pain place yet?" Esposito asks, picking his coffee up and starting to head out of the break room.

"No, I was going to do it after lunch."

He nods and walks the rest of the way out of the room.

"There are two more things," Castle says when the male detective is out of ear shot.

"Come again?"

"Why do you know that position is possible, and there has to be some hot, wild, kinky thing with handcuffs you enjoy doing that isn't putting killers behind bars."

"And again, my sex life is important to you why?"

He clucks his tongue at her. "Inquiring minds, Beckett. And besides, it's research...for Nikki."

She smirks at him again. "I don't know, Castle. I don't think you could handle the truth. You could barely handle the fact that I have leather cuffs under my bed."

He sucks in a sharp breath. "I knew you weren't lying about that."

Kate smiles around another bite of her food.

"Tell me, Beckett. How far into kink are you?"

"Not far enough that I want someone to whip me."

He nearly chokes again. "Not far enough - but that means -"

"You're so easy," she laughs, finishing off the last of her sandwich. "Come on, I need your help with this call to Lady Irena's House of Pain."

* * *

"So this kink fetish of yours," Castle starts as they walk back out of Lady Irena's House of Pain.

"When did I ever say that I had a kink fetish?"

"Who's the one in the leather cuffs? You or your partner?"

"Are you my partner in this scenario?" Kate tosses back, noticing after a few more paces that she's stopped him dead in his tracks. "You know because we're partners? Play on words?" He just keeps staring at her and she sighs, continuing to walk toward her car. "Seriously, Castle, what's with the sudden interest in my sex life today? You don't hear me going around asking you if you prefer top or bottom."

"Top," he says, finally moving again. "I prefer to be on top."

She shoots him a look over the top of her car.

"But you know, bottom's good too," he shrugs.

Kate rolls her eyes and slides into the driver's seat.

"Are you choosing to let this one go unanswered?" Castle continues to prod.

"Will you just let it go?" she asks, putting the key into the ignition and starting the car. "I've already over shared more than enough for one day."

He shuts up, but the silence is only momentary as they pull into traffic.

"You have opened up quite a bit today," Castle muses, softly. "I never actually expected to get an answer out of you."

"Yeah well," she starts, matching his tone of voice. "Maybe I just wanted to see how you'd react."

"And was my reaction worthy?"

She laughs, nodding her head a little. "I was very amused by it, yes."

"I'm so glad you take pleasure in torturing me. "

"Poor choice of words considering our case."

He huffs at that, turning his head to look out the window and filling the car with silence once again.

"Castle?"

He hums in response and she can see him turn to look at her out of her peripheral vision.

"For what it's worth, I like that you have my food and coffee orders memorized."

She glances over at him briefly, sees the grin on his face.

"I knew the kissing up would work out in my favor eventually."

* * *

When he walks through the front door to the loft, he makes a beeline to his office, needing to see if she found the time to respond to him yet. This could be it, the moment of truth. He keys his password into his laptop, getting so impatient he almost settles for just checking on his phone even though his battery is at 5%.

"You must really like this girl," Martha's voice singsongs from the other side of his bookcase.

"Something like that," Castle mutters, cursing under his breath at the slow speed of the internet connection at the moment.

"Alexis told me her name is Katie. Another Katherine, imagine that."

"It could be short for Katelyn," he says, even though he's all but convinced himself this is Katherine Beckett.

"Oh come on, the big believer in coincidences that you are?" Martha teases.

He manages to open his e-mail, but there's no new message. Not from her, anyway. He must have spooked her, just like he was afraid of. Castle slumps down against the back of his chair.

"Something wrong dear?"

"I might have taken that last message too far," he sighs. "Scared her away."

"With your humor and wit?"

He tosses her a small smile. "No, my feelings."

"About her? Don't tell me you think you're already in love with her."

"No, not her. Beckett."

"So you told this Katie girl that you're in love with Beckett?"

Castle scrubs a hand over his face. "Katie might _be_ Beckett."

Martha scrunches her eyebrows together in confusion. "You lost me."

"I don't have proof, but I think they're the same person. And I've been talking to this online person about Beckett and I've said some things, and I think I scared her away."

"Has she been acting any differently in person?"

He pauses for a moment to think about it. "Yeah, she's been... a lot more open lately."

"Then I think you may already have your answer," Martha smiles, turning to leave when she hears Alexis calling for her.

He sighs, still unsure, and hits the send/receive button on his e-mail again. It works this time and a new message from her pops up. It's short, just two sentences, but it's also everything he needed to know.

 _You could tell her, Castle. But I think she already knows._


	9. Chapter 9

Castle wanders into the precinct, finishing up his phone call as he steps off the elevator. "Yeah, Paula, that sounds perfect. Yeah, close the deal. Thank you. And to you."

He spots Kate at her desk and makes a beeline to her. He has so much to say. More than could be said over a response to her latest e-mail. Yes, _her_ e-mail. There were no doubts anymore, she had given herself up.

"Hey," he says, by way of greeting.

She looks up at him and wow she seems nervous. He probably freaked her out by not responding last night. He should have thought of that.

"Hey," she says back.

Okay, small talk first. Lead with the movie news go from there.

"I uh, I just got word from Paula, my agent. They want to turn 'Heat Wave' into a movie. You're about to be immortalized on the big screen."

She glances back down at the file open on her desk. "Actually Nikki Heat is going to be immortalized, not me."

"Yes, well, technically, but it's been widely publicized that you are the inspiration. So who would you like to play you in the movie?"

He needs to get off this topic, talk about what really needs to be said here.

"Whoa. Are you kidding? They're really making a Nikki Heat movie?" Ryan asks, walking in with Esposito. "Dude, did I call it or what?"

"Ah, congrats, bro," Esposito grins.

"Thank you!" Castle says, returning his smile. "Hey Beckett, can we -"

"What do you think, can we get James McAvoy for detective Raley?" Ryan asks excitedly, paying no mind to Castle trying to get Kate's attention.

Kate's desk phone rings and Castle almost groans when she picks it up. When did it get so hard to talk to her without all of these distractions?

"I'm gonna go with Javier Bardem," Esposito says, still casting the Nikki Heat movie with Ryan.

"Beckett," she says into the phone.

Castle sighs, realizing he's not going to get the moment he needs to talk to her right now and joins back in on the movie discussion. But the discussion doesn't last long, as the phone call quickly reveals a killer anonymously reporting a murder he committed himself. Someone claiming to be a 'fan,' but of who or what they're not really sure.

He doesn't get her alone again until they're standing outside of the morgue waiting for Lanie a few hours later.

"Do you think we've stumbled across a serial killer?" Castle asks, trying to start out with small talk again. "I mean, calling in your own kill definitely sounds like a guy who wants the attention and has plans to do it again."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Kate shrugs. "I just hope we can catch him before he kills again."

He scrubs a hand through his hair, trying to figure out to phrase this. "So umm, I think you and I need to talk."

She smirks at him. "Isn't that what we're doing now? And don't even try to tell me that you're the killer. You were standing right next to me when he called."

"No, no nothing to do with the case. This is about emails. Our emails to be exact."

The smirk drops off her face and that same nervous expression she greeted him with this morning comes back.

"Castle, I -"

"You guys are going to want to see this," Lanie says, popping her head out of the morgue.

Typical. Next time he is definitely skipping the small talk and jumping right to the point.

Kate shoots him an apologetic look before turning to Lanie. "Something off with the body?"

"No, it's not that. Cause of death is multiple gunshot wounds, he had a martini before he died. What's weird are the bullets. There are letters stamped on them like our killer was trying to spell something."

They follow her over to the table where she has the magnifying glass set up over the slugs. Castle looks at them first, reading them in the order Lanie has them laid out.

"Kinki?"

Kate shakes her head, nudging him out of the way. "Let me see." She stares at the letters for a moment, solving the puzzle relatively quickly. "Nikki. Like Nikki Heat. That's why he called me. That's why he said he was a fan. He dedicated this murder to me."

Castle stares at her, feeling a tightening in his chest. He's starting to feel responsible for this. He created this character, based her off of Beckett, and now it's produced some kind of psychotic stalker.

Kate touches his arm, drawing his focus back to her. "This isn't your fault, Castle. Just like those murders based off of your books two years ago weren't."

"Oh, so I'm not responsible for the crazy I inspire?"

"Certainly not when it leads to murder."

He gives her a small smile, moving to cover her hand on his arm with his own. And he swears he hears her breath catch in her throat when he does. Her eyes lock onto his and she starts to say something when Lanie clears her throat and Kate steps back away from him.

"We should go tell Montgomery," Kate says, already heading towards the door. "Thanks Lanie."

Castle doesn't follow her immediately, still slightly dumbstruck by the exchange.

"I take it you two haven't talked yet," Lanie muses, pulling on a new pair of gloves.

He narrows his eyes at her. "How much do you know?"

She smiles back. "Enough. She'll come to you, Castle. She's just scared."

"Am I really that scary?"

She gives him a sympathetic look. "It's not so much you as a person as it is the idea of you. But don't worry. I'm pretty sure you two want the same thing."

* * *

She doesn't like Jordan Shaw. Doesn't like the way she plans to take over what has become a very personal investigation. Doesn't like the way she acts like she's looking down on her for having a celebrity tagalong. She likes even less the way Castle seems so in awe of her and her fancy FBI gadgets. That jealously she had experienced with Kyra was coming back, but it was worse this time. Worse because Shaw was just an over glorified version of herself. And one Castle seemed all too happy to help.

It was also probably worse because she knew how Castle felt about her this time around. She knew that he wanted more, but this case had kept them from really having a chance to talk about it. And they _needed_ to. She had made the conscious decision to give herself up last night, to stop playing the game. And when she woke to no new email from him, she worried that she had made the wrong move. But he was clearly itching to talk about it, had been trying to get her alone all day until Shaw showed up. As if she needed another reason to dislike the woman.

"What is he doing?" Shaw asks, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Kate draws her gaze away from the passenger side window and up to the rearview mirror where she sees Castle playing with some type of goggles he found in the backseat.

"He um, touches things."

Castle goes on excitedly about the night vision goggles and his plans to incorporate the FBI into his next Nikki Heat book, earning an eye roll from Kate.

"So how long have you two been sleeping together?" Shaw asks, way too casually.

Kate nearly chokes, suddenly very glad she left her coffee back at the precinct. "I'm..we're - we're not sleeping together - we - he-"

Castle starts chuckling to himself in the backseat and she swears she hears him mutter "yet" under his breath.

"He just observes me," Kate manages to get out.

"Yeah, I've seen how he observes you," Shaw smirks.

She knows she's blushing now, wishing their suspect would show up already so they could get the hell out of this car and move on. This also doesn't bode well for any future relationship she and Castle may partake on. If people can already tell they have a thing for each other when they haven't even addressed it face to face yet, how obvious is it going to be if they actually _do_ become a couple?

"No, she's right," Castle finally chimes in, deciding to actually help. "Aside from my second wife, this is the most sexless relationship I've ever been in."

Shaw clucks her tongue. "I've been profiling for a long time. I'm hardly ever wrong."

She isn't entirely wrong. They may start sleeping together in the near future. And okay wow, that thought is really freaking her out.

"Maybe you're just psychic," Castle mutters from the backseat.

Kate whirls around and shoots him a death glare and he just smiles back innocently in return.

"So if you're not sleeping together," Shaw continues on. "Why do you keep him around?"

Because even though it's not happening yet, it probably will. Because he thinks he can love her someday. Because she actually likes the idea of that.

"You know I can hear you?" Castle asks.

"He's actually proven to be surprisingly helpful," Kate tells her.

Shaw eyes him out of the rearview mirror as he discovers her taser in the backseat. "Hmm have to take your word on that."

As Shaw tells him to put the taser down, Kate adds another mental note to her list of reasons why she doesn't like the woman. She doesn't see in Castle what she sees in him, and she's way too confident about her assumptions.

* * *

To say that she's on edge would be an underestimate. She hears floorboards creaking outside of her apartment and opens her door with her gun pointed right at the man's head...at Castle's head.

She sighs, lowering her gun. "What are you doing here?"

"Wine?" he asks, lifting up the bottle in his left hand.

Kate shakes her head, stepping to the side to let him into her apartment.

"So what happened to your security detail? I didn't see anyone outside," Castle says.

"I sent them home," she shrugs, rolling her eyes when he shoots her a look of disbelief. "I'm a big girl, Castle. I can take care of myself. I'm not this guy's intended target anyway. He's obsessed with me, he doesn't want to kill me."

"You don't know that for sure. He could escalate."

"And if he does, I'll be ready for him. Now did you really come over here just to bring me wine and check up on my security detail?"

"No," he says, shaking his head. "But do you want any? It's a 2000 Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Perfect for decompressing, just like Shaw suggested."

"Oh well, if Special Agent Shaw said so," she mumbles, unable to hide the bitterness from her tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Castle asks, eyeing the seemingly clean wine glasses by the sink and going to retrieve two of them. "Do you have something against her?"

"No, it's just - I see the way that you listen to her, the way that you look at all of her fancy equipment. Now my murder board's not enough for you? Now you need a smart board?

"Are you jealous?" he asks, a smile spreading across his face. "You are, aren't you? Just like you were with Kyra."

She bristles at that, moving to put the wine glasses he retrieved back by the sink and to pull down two clean ones.

"I'm not jealous," Kate tries to protest, but she doesn't even believe herself when she says it. "And stop building theory with her. You're supposed to be building theory with me."

"It's kinda cute how insanely jealous you are," Castle laughs, pouring the wine. "But also ridiculous. I'm not interested in Shaw. I think we've established that I'm interested in you."

She lets out another sigh, sinking back down onto her spot on the couch, Castle taking a seat to her left. "The real reason you're here comes out. So go ahead. Ask."

He stares down at his wine glass for a moment, finally lifting his eyes to look over at her. "Did you know it was me before you said I was your favorite author and I admitted to being him?"

Kate takes a sip of her wine, savoring the flavor on her tongue before answering. "I had my suspicions. Divorced single writer living in New York with the perfect daughter. You saying 'until tomorrow' instead of goodbye."

"And yet you never said anything."

"If I had told you as soon as I knew that it was you, the emailing would have stopped. It might have taken us a hell of a lot longer to be honest with ourselves about our feelings."

" _Our_ feelings?"

She ignores his comment, moving forward with her own question. "When did you start to suspect me? I could probably pinpoint it in our conversations because you started talking to me differently, but what tipped you off?"

"It really wasn't your online presence that tipped me off, Katie let me do most of the talking. But you...you were different in person. You were opening up more, incorporating all of these little touches. It was like my words about me having feelings for my partner were affecting you...since you're my partner and all."

Kate sips at her wine again, before placing the glass down on the coffee table and drawing her knees up against her chest.

"Why do you think you could love me someday?" she asks softly.

He smiles, setting his wine glass down next to hers. "Because you're extraordinary. Just like the book dedication says."

"Castle -"

"You feel it too, I know you do. That hesitation earlier today when Shaw was asking about our relationship? It was because you don't know what label to give us anymore. You don't know what we are anymore than I do, and that tells me that you want more too."

"What, so a few weeks of messages through a dating a website and suddenly we're a couple?"

He shakes his head, reaching out so his hand rests on her elbow. "No. Two years as partners. Two years spent unconsciously memorizing each other's orders at our favorite post-case restaurants. Two years of me, how did you put it, pulling your pigtails. I'm not asking for your hand in marriage here, Beckett. I just want to go out on a date with you."

Her right arm releases her knees so her hand can rest atop his on her left elbow. Her fingers brush across his skin like she's already trying to memorize the feel of him.

"How is us going out on a date, any different from us going to eat at Remi's?"

"Because the date will probably involve kissing."

Her fingers slip through the gaps between his, lacing their fingers together. "So you want this, huh? A relationship with me."

His thumb rubs over her pinky finger. "I want my partner to fall in love with me, so I can fall in love with her."

Kate hums. "And this partner of yours. She wants this too?"

"I think she does. I just think it took the anonymity of a screen name to get her to realize that."

She bites down on her lower lip, her gaze drifting between their intertwined hands and the light blue of his eyes. "You know what your partner wants, Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"She wants you to kiss her."


	10. Chapter 10

Castle scoots closer to her on the couch, his gaze dropping from her eyes to her lips.

"I would hate to disappoint," he whispers, inching even closer.

"Then don't," Kate breathes, closing the rest of the gap between them and pressing her lips against his.

He hadn't been expecting her to make the first move, so the action catches him off guard. But as she slides her tongue along his upper lip insistently, he finally manages to get it together and opens his mouth to her. She moans as she melds her body into his side, her tongue dipping into his mouth and her hands gripping the sides of his head. Her fingers bite into his scalp and her teeth nip at his bottom lip. He can taste the wine on her tongue and he wants more of it, more of her.

His mouth captures hers fully, a soft moan catching in his throat. He's practically aching with the way her body is sliding against his. Perhaps this is all happening too fast, but with the way she's moving on him, against him, he really doesn't care. Kate Beckett wants him, and he'll be damned if he doesn't admit he wants her just as bad.

Castle slides his hand up her back, beneath the hem of her shirt. His palm flattens against her spine, skimming up the hot expanse of her skin and dragging her shirt up a few inches higher. Her chest presses in tighter and closer to his and he thinks for sure that he's going to lose it.

Kate Beckett kisses like she has no control.

Of course at this point, he can't really blame her. He's lost all control as well. Castle reaches up with one hand, and yanks out the hair tie holding her short hair back. He tangles his fingers through the now loose strands, pulling her head closer to him so he can change the power of the kiss. She makes that little whimpering noise again when he takes control and he swears that noise alone will do him in.

Kate shifts her weight on the couch, draping one leg over his and rotating her hips until she's practically straddling his thigh. He isn't going to survive this. She's going to kill him right here on this couch.

His mouth trails away from hers, marking a path down her neck. He tugs at the neckline of her shirt, thankful for the deep vee of it as he kisses along her clavicle. He wants this off of her. He wants all of it off of her. He wants -

"Castle."

The breathy way she says his name has him groaning. Please let her say it like that for the rest of his life. Let her say it like that as he -

"Castle."

Reluctantly, he takes his mouth off of her and meets her gaze. He's almost worried about what he'll see swimming in her eyes, but he's met with only her arousal.

"Are you...staying?" Kate asks hesitantly.

He grins at that, nodding. "I'm here to protect you, after all."

She smirks at that, lacing her hands behind his neck. "What, with your vast arsenal of rapier wit?"

"There is a madman gunning for you because of me. I am not going to leave you alone."

"And that's the only reason that you're staying?" she hums, her fingers curling around the tuft of hair at the nape of his neck.

"Well no," he starts, realizing his hand is still halfway up her shirt, and trying to decide if now would be a good time to reach for her bra clasp. "I definitely think there might be some ulterior motives involved."

Her smirk blossoms into a smile, and he swears that smile alone could melt him.

"Well then, Mr. NYwriter, I think we should take this into the bedroom."

"Hmm so is Coffeelover19 what you want me to call you when we're in bed?" he asks as she climbs off of him.

"Yeah I'm going to go with no on that one."

He laughs, following her back into her bedroom. Castle pauses in her doorway, watching her move her pile of laundry off her bed.

"Do you think they set us up?" he asks.

"Who? The FBI?"

He shakes his head, walking toward her. "Lanie and my set of redheads."

Kate laughs at that, meeting him at the foot of her bed, and placing her hands against his chest. "Either way, we should probably thank them. Intentionally or not, they gave us the push we needed to get here."

"And where exactly is _here_?" Castle asks, teasingly.

"Well how about you take off your pants and I'll show you?"

So much for her killing him on the couch. Her in this bed is what's going to kill him. And what a way to go.

* * *

When she wakes up the next morning, she's alone in bed. Panic grips at her chest, and the worry that they took things too fast last night comes crawling back. But then she catches the aroma of coffee and something else she can't quite place wafting into her room. He's still here. And he's cooking?

Kate spies his T-shirt on the floor and slips it on over her head, enjoying far too much the way it surrounds her with the scent of him. As she pads out into the kitchen, she can't help but wonder what he's wearing if she has his shirt. She finds him standing over her stove, clad only in his boxers.

"You're making pancakes?" she asks, reaching for the cup of coffee he hands her.

"I was hoping for bacon and eggs, but your eggs are expired and your bacon has something furry on it."

"Yeah, well, I mostly order in," she says, taking a sip of her coffee. "I'd also like to add that you're doing all this cooking half naked."

"I figured that from the Styrofoam temple you've got going on in that refrigerator," Castle starts, flipping the pancakes over. "And why yes, yes I am."

"And whose benefit is that for?" she smirks.

"All you, Beckett. All of this is just for you."

"How ever did I get so lucky?"

Castle huffs and chucks the dishrag at her, which she easily catches before it hits her coffee mug.

"Did you sleep okay?" she asks.

He hums, a smile spreading across his face. "I did. But I never pegged you for a cuddler."

She chucks the dishrag back at him at that and he starts laughing.

"Relax, Beckett. I think it's pretty adorable."

"I wasn't aiming for adorable," she mutters.

Castle slides the pancakes onto a plate with his spatula, flipping off the heat on the stove. He walks around to where she's seated at the table and drapes his arms over her shoulders.

"You are also incredibly sexy," he whispers into her ear.

She turns her head toward his, stealing a kiss and tasting the coffee on his tongue.

"I could get used to this service," Kate smirks. "Looks like you thought of everything."

Castle snaps his fingers. "Except the paper."

"Castle, we don't have time for the paper," she tells him as he heads for the front door. "We barely have time for these pancakes as it is. There's a body out there that I gotta find."

He opens the door and a dead body drops to the floor at his feet. "Ah! Looks like it found you."

* * *

She gives Castle back his shirt after they call the body into the precinct, and changes into clothes of her own. The last thing she needs right now is to see Shaw have her assumption proven right or have the boys give them shit for this. Although the latter is probably inevitable at this point.

By now the team has arrived and Shaw is examining the body while Ryan and Esposito take their statements.

"So you had just gotten up, right?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah. Castle just finished making breakfast and he went to the door –"

"What kind of breakfast?" Ryan asks, cutting her off.

Kate shoots him a look of confusion. "Uh, I'm sorry?"

"What kind of breakfast was he making?" he rephrases.

"Pancakes."

"Well, isn't that domestic?"

Shit, he couldn't really be on to them already, could he? It had literally just happened.

Kate rolls her eyes. "Anyway, the paper usually arrives at 4:00, and we were up at 7:00. So that means the killer had a three-hour window where he could have left the body there unnoticed."

"And exactly what time did you and Mr. Castle go to bed last night?"

Well they got _in_ bed around midnight. But there wasn't much sleeping going on until around 3:00...

"I think we're done here," she tells him.

"I don't know," Esposito starts, heading their way with Castle right behind him. "You two had a sleepover, there are wine glasses on the table -"

"You made her pancakes," Ryan adds in.

"It's just breakfast," Castle tries to protest.

"Pancakes is not just breakfast. It's an edible way of saying, 'Thank you so much for last night,'" Esposito teases.

Kate makes the mistake of catching Castle's gaze at that moment, because she's blushing now and she knows it. What's worse is that she knows the boys know it too.

"Wait, hold up, did something actually happen last night?" Ryan asks.

Castle shakes his head. "There's no more going on between me and Beckett than there was yesterday."

 _Real subtle, Castle_.

"So then if nothing's going on," Esposito starts. "What's with the hickey on Beckett's neck?"

"Curling iron," Kate answers a little too fast. "I burnt it with the curling iron."

"Interesting because I don't remember seeing it until now and your hair doesn't look all that curly to me right now either," Ryan says.

"Do you make a habit out of staring at my neck?" Kate asks.

"I hate to break up this meaningful interrogation here," Shaw starts. "But perhaps we could get back to our serial killer?"

Kate shoots them all dirty looks before heading over to the body with Shaw. The last thing she needed right now was to be embarrassed in front of this woman. Too little, too late.

* * *

Lanie's knowing grin when they get to the morgue tells Kate that Esposito has already talked to her. And because she's been well aware of their situation from the beginning, she knows her friend won't be buying their 'nothing happened' act.

"Hey. Heard you two were making pancakes when the body dropped," Lanie teases. "I take it you finally talked."

"Have you been conspiring with my mother and daughter?" Castle asks before Kate can get a word out.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lanie tells him.

"I knew it," he mutters under his breath.

"We're good, Lanie," Kate says. "Whatever little plan you had worked. So thank you and congratulations or whatever. You were right. Now tell us, were there more letters on the slugs?"

Lanie grins even wider. "I'm sorry, what was that? I was right?"

"Lanie, please."

She smiles at them again before turning back to the bullets. "B-U-R-"

"Burn," Kate surmises before the M.E. can even finish reading the letters. "Nikki will burn."

"Well that's chilling," Castle mutters, his hand instinctively reaching for the small of her back. "You're staying at my place tonight."

"Castle -"

"Kate, he knows where you live. And Nikki will burn? He's trying to set you on fire."

"Not if we catch him first," she says, returning his half embrace and not caring what all Lanie sees. She knows too much already.

"And you really think we can do that before your life goes up in flames?"

"We'll catch him, Castle. You're not going to get rid of me just yet."


	11. Chapter 11

AN: For Evelyn. Happy (early) Sweet 16! (P.S. I owe you a prompt fill from the several you've sent me sitting in my drafts.)

* * *

He knew something was off. Knew that the man they thought was their killer wasn't the real target they were after. Knew that Kate's life was still in danger and that he should have pushed harder for her to stay with him that night. But the woman was stubborn and had insisted that she would be fine. Told him that she couldn't stay the night without wanting to share a bed with him and partaking in a repeat of last night. And he has bookshelves for walls and she really didn't need his family to be subjected to that.

All of which left him here now, standing outside of her burning apartment building, making what was probably a very stupid decision to go inside. The adrenaline keeps him going as he gets closer to her apartment and consequently the heat. He can feel the smoke threatening its way into his lungs and he wonders how firefighters do this so often. Well, he realizes they have protective gear for this sort of thing. He also realizes Beckett will probably chastise him for his stupidity for attempting this rescue mission himself. That is of course if she's -

No, nope, not even going there.

Castle gets to her door, realizes the handle may be too hot to touch and is probably locked anyway. He'll need to knock down the door. Just intimate the technique he's seen her and the boys do so many times in the past. Hopefully the fire will have weakened the structure some, making this easier on his shoulder. It takes him a couple of tries, but he finally breaks it down and stares agape at her burning apartment.

Panic grips at his chest. "Kate, are you in here? Kate!"

He did not just get her to be his to lose her. He needs her to be okay.

"Kate?" he calls again.

He hears coughing coming from her bathroom and rushes in that direction, avoiding the flames licking up against her furniture.

"Kate!"

He watches her soot covered hand grip the edge of her bathtub and push herself up into a seated position. She coughs again, blinking her eyes against the haze of smoke.

"Thank god you're okay," Castle says, rushing to her side. "And you're naked."

"I dove into the tub just as it blew," Kate coughs again. "I had just gotten out of the shower."

"I knew you should have stayed at my house tonight," he tells her offering her his hand.

"Absolutely not. What if he's been tailing me? I couldn't put you and your family at risk like that. I'm okay and this way, your loft and the people in it are too."

"You knew he was going to torch your place?"

She shakes her head. "No. I'm just saying I'm glad I didn't put your family at risk by staying with you tonight. Just in case. Now give me your jacket."

"Oh come on, Beckett. It's not like I haven't seen it before."

She rolls her eyes. "You might have seen it but the rest of my building most certainly has not."

"Good point. We need to get out of here before the fire gets worse," he says, shrugging out of his jacket and passing it over to her. "Are you okay? Can you walk?"

He helps her stand up in the tub, notices how she struggles a bit at the task.

"I'm fine. Just a little banged up."

"Would now be a bad time to tell you how much I like the look of you in my clothes?" he asks.

Kate glares at him as she steps over the edge of the tub.

"Yeah right okay. Sorry. Nice and easy now. Are you in any pain?"

"Well, not nearly as much as you," she smirks. "It's killing you, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Having to wait this long to tell me how you banged down the door."

He grins, loving how well she knows him. "You want me to start from the beginning?"

* * *

She does come home with him that night. She'd told Montgomery that she didn't have a home, but Castle had assured her that as long as he was around, she always would. Shaw had practically kicked her off the case, and he watches her now, sitting on his living room couch, mindlessly twisting her mother's ring around its chain on her neck and staring off into space. She's had a rough couple of days and he just wishes there was more he could do to make it better.

Castle sits down next to her, skims his fingers over her patella.

"I can't believe my father's watch is gone," Kate mutters, still fidgeting with the ring. "At least this survived though."

"I was going to surprise you," Castle starts. "But I found the watch. It was broken so I took it somewhere to get fixed. It should be ready by the end of the week."

She shifts her gaze from the spot on the wall to look at him. She gives him a soft smile. "Thank you."

He nods, his fingers still dancing at her knee. "I know how much it means to you."

She shifts closer to him, letting her head fall onto his shoulder as she lists into his side. "I can't believe I'm homeless."

"I already told you, you'll always have a home here."

"It's a bit early in our relationship to already be moving in together," she laughs, her breath warm against his neck. "It's also something you might want to run by your kid first."

"Oh right, I don't live alone do I?" he asks, playing along.

"Not even close," she teases. "But thank you for letting me crash here until I find a new place. You're a lot cheaper than a hotel."

"This is true. I will happily accept sex as a payment."

Kate smacks his chest and he laughs.

"Kisses will also be accepted."

She rolls her eyes, but places a kiss to his lips anyway.

"I knew all you kids needed was a push."

They break apart and turn to find Alexis standing behind them, with her arms crossed over her chest and a proud smirk on her face.

Castle narrows his eyes at his daughter. "I was right, wasn't I? You and Mother conspired with Lanie to make this happen?"

"Maybe," she shrugs, feigning innocence.

"What'd you do, get her number out of my phone?" he asks.

"You need a better password," Alexis laughs. "And for the record, you're both welcome."

"You're unbelievable," Castle mutters, shaking his head.

"But think about it," Alexis starts. "If you two hadn't been forced into talking to each other online, you still wouldn't have admitted how you really feel about one another. This way, you're both happy."

"But how did you know he'd choose my message to answer?" Kate asks. "I mean Lanie found his profile for me. Did you or Martha tell him to answer mine?"

Castle shakes his head. "I responded to you because you were the only person who sounded normal. They had nothing to do with it."

"I guess you could say Dad has helped me to believe in fate over the years," she says, exchanging a smile with Castle. "I'll leave you two alone. Oh and Detective Beckett?"

"Kate," she corrects quickly. "You can call me Kate."

Alexis nods. "Kate, I'm sorry to hear about your apartment. And I'm glad you're okay."

"Thank you, Alexis. For everything."

The girl smiles, nodding, before retreating back upstairs.

"We were totally set up," Castle laughs.

"I should have known Lanie was up to no good," Kate sighs. "She suggested I start dating you before she even brought up the online dating thing."

"And you turned down her suggestion?" he asks, mocking hurt.

"I didn't see the appeal," she answers sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not appealing to you? Well then. I'll have to remember that the next time you want something from me."

"Castle." She rests her chin back on his shoulder. "I wasn't willing to give you a chance, but I have now and I'm so glad that I did."

"So, you wouldn't take any of it back?"

"No, of course not. Would you?"

He shakes his head. "Definitely not."

Kate readjusts her head against him as his arms snake around her torso. "Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"For what it's worth, I could definitely fall in love with you too."

* * *

She's sitting at her desk, finishing up the paperwork on the Dunn case, when a small box obstructs the file from her view. Kate looks up, finds Castle grinning down at her proudly.

"My dad's watch?" she asks.

He nods and she slides open the lid, smiling at the condition of her prized possession. She thanks him, slipping it back onto her wrist where it belongs.

"I could have paid to have it fixed you know. You didn't have to do this."

"You have enough to worry about right now," Castle tells her, sitting down in his chair by her desk. "Just let me have this."

She thanks him again, looking down at her wrist to see if it's set to the correct time. It is.

"So uh, you shot a guy for me today," Kate smiles. "That's pretty impressive too."

"It would have been more impressive if I had hit his head like I had been trying to."

She shakes her head. "No, you don't want that blood on your hands. It will stay with you. Trust me."

"Coonan?" he asks, sympathetically.

She nods. "Hey but still, are you trying to say that you'd kill for me? Before we've even gone on an official first date?"

Castle laughs. "I guess I am. We should probably remedy that first date issue though. Got any plans tonight?"

"I do actually. You see I met this guy online and I hear he's taking me out for dinner tonight."

"Huh. Is that so? Well, maybe I'll see you there."

* * *

AN: Well everyone, only the epilogue remains left after this. Thank you all so much for following me on this journey of a story! (And I'll probably thank you again in the final chapter because I'm just so grateful for the response you guys have given me to this.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Epilogue**

* * *

Kate stands out on the beach along the shoreline, letting her feet sink into the warm sand made cooler by the ocean waves lapping against her ankles. She closes her eyes, let's the light breeze rustle her hair, taking in all of the sensations around her. She can't remember the last time she felt this happy and at peace.

"You're a natural," she hears his voice in her ear, feels his arms wrap around her torso from behind seconds later.

"A natural at standing? Wow, any chance they'll turn that into an Olympic sport?"

He nudges the side of her head with his own and her eyes flutter open, readjusting to the bright sunlight.

"I meant you look good out here. The beach life suits you."

"Oh it suits me very well," Kate hums. "I may never go back."

"Really?" Castle asks, a little too excitedly.

She laughs, peeling out of his embrace and wading further into the ocean.

"Unfortunately no. Killers to catch and all of that. But every free weekend I have off I will gladly return to the Hamptons with you."

"You know, my pool is actually heated," he tells her as he watches her wade up to her knees in the chilly ocean water. "That water is always cold and it's only May so it must be even worse."

"I don't mind it actually," she tosses over her shoulder. "I won't go any deeper than this. I don't have a suit on."

"Do you have some fascination with ice water?"

She laughs again, turning back to face him with a small yelp as a wave splashes too high on her thighs, spraying the back of her shorts with water.

"It just reminds me of the lake at my parents' cabin. I mean obviously the lake is a lot smaller, but the water temperature is about right. I haven't been out there in a long time. I know my dad stills own it."

She catches him grinning and quirks an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"Just picturing a little Beckett way too excited about swimming to care about how cold the water was. It's a pretty adorable image, especially the blue lips."

Kate groans and kicks water at his shins.

"Hey!" Castle exclaims, as the breeze rushes in making the cold water droplets on his leg even worse. "Trust me, I am one person you don't want to start a splashing war with. Just ask my kid."

"Well I don't intend to when we both of have clothes on."

He raises an eyebrow at her, a mischievous grin growing across his lips.

"Not like that," she says, kicking water at him again. "I was referring to swimsuits."

Castle fakes a pout as she wades back to him on the shoreline. "Does this mean skinny dipping is off the table for the weekend?"

She returns his mischievous grin, draping her arms around his neck. "In the ocean? Yes. In the privacy of your heated pool? No."

His pout morphs back into a grin of his own before he places a quick kiss to her lips. "Inviting you here was the best idea I ever had."

"And you're sure Alexis doesn't mind waiting an extra weekend to come up here for the summer?" Kate asks.

"Please, she's one of three who pushed us together. She's more than okay with it."

She hums, slipping out of this arms again and making her way back to the lawn chairs they dragged down to the beach. She sits down on one and attempts to brush the drying sand off of her feet. Castle follows her lead.

"You know I still haven't given you the grand tour of the place," he says, rubbing at the stubborn wet sand still clinging to his heel. "Because someone was a little too eager to see the beach."

"I didn't want to waste anymore daylight," she shrugs with a yawn, sliding her sunglasses back down over her eyes and leaning back against the chair. "It's bad enough that my leftover paperwork took me as long as it did."

"Okay but this tour is really great. It ends in the master bedroom."

She rolls her eyes even though they're hidden beneath the dark lenses of her sunglasses. "We have all weekend for that, Castle. Let me enjoy these last few hours of sunlight. I haven't been able to watch a sunset in years."

"What about a sunrise?" he asks, looking over at her.

"Not really no. It's not like I leave for work when it's still dark and get home after the sun sets every day, but I haven't been able to just...exist and enjoy them in a long time. It's the little things, you know?"

"Kate Beckett likes sunsets and possibly sunrises. Filing that away for later."

She gives him a soft smile.

"You know," Castle starts again. "One of these nights here, we could stay up all night to watch the sunrise. Then you could tell me which you like better."

"And what would we do all night?" Kate asks with a smirk. "Never leave the master bedroom?"

He laughs at that. "Well that is definitely one option. Or we could stay up marathoning movies. Or we could be super cheesy and stay outside all night talking, watching the stars turn to sun."

"Okay NYwriter, your writer side is showing."

"When would I ever write something like that?" he protests.

"You just said it! Your writer brain developed the words."

Castle chucks the towel he brought down with them at her and it lands on her face. He laughs at the way she jumps at the sudden contact. Her eyes must have been closed behind those glasses.

"You're going to pay for that," she grumbles, chucking the towel back into his lap. "You're in for a long weekend, my friend."

"Good, I wouldn't want it any other way."

* * *

After the sun sets, she finally lets him take her on that "grand tour." And she does have to admit, the master bedroom was her favorite part. They're sitting under the stars now, nursing glasses of wine, Kate having convinced him that she see needs to see a sunset and sunrise back to back in order to better compare them. He'd happily complied, that smile of his never leaving his face as she told him his staying outside talking all night option sounded the most appealing to her.

A thought has lingered on her mind ever since he gave her the tour, a comment about how rehearsed the whole thing felt. But she's been too afraid, or perhaps even insecure, to ask until now. They do have all night though, she might as well dive right in.

"Castle, can I ask you something?"

"That phrasing has the potential for trouble," he jokes with a smile. But when he looks over at her and sees what must be coming across as uneasiness on her face, his smile fades. "What's wrong?"

"It's stupid really," she says with shake of her head and a lift of her wine glass to her lips.

"Do I need to use the cliché 'there are no stupid questions' on you?" he asks, attempting to bring some humor back.

She does smile a little at that, reaching to set her wine glass down on the table. She pulls the blanket on her lap tighter around her, the cool breeze from earlier turning cold without the warmth of the sun.

"Do you bring women up here a lot? Like is this your big gesture to try and impress them? Because I - I don't need impressing. You already have me."

Castle lets out a puff of breath that may either be a sigh or a small laugh. She's not entirely sure at this point. He reaches out for her hand tucked her under her blanket, and replaces the warmth of the soft fabric with the heat of his skin.

"There probably have been more women than I'm willing to admit," he confesses. "But none of them were you. And I didn't bring you here to show off or to try and impress you. I know you, Kate. You don't need all of this to be awestruck. You're good with a simple sunset. Or a sunrise. Or some leafy creamer design in your cup of coffee."

That gets her to laugh and she squeezes his hand.

"Like I told you online when were still kind of sort of anonymous, they were one night stands that didn't mean anything. But you and I? We mean something."

"The partners who could fall in love?"

He nods as she hums, pulling him out of his chair and leading him over to the grass in front of the deck. She spreads the blanket she had been wrapped in out on the lawn and sits down on it, motioning for him to join her. He does and they both lay back, taking in the mass expanse of stars.

"I shouldn't be jealous of them then, huh?" Kate asks.

"I don't know, you're kind of cute when you're jealous. Like with Kyra and Agent Shaw."

She smacks his chest before curling into his side. "Two years ago, I never would have thought we'd end up here. I didn't want to."

"Was I really that repulsive to you?"

She shakes her head against his chest. "No. And that's what scared me. I've never told you this, well I sort of did online, but your books...they really helped me get through my mother's death. She loved them. And in an effort to be closer to her once she was gone, I read them all trying to see what she saw in them. And I did. They became this anchor or tether, keeping me close to her. And without that, things would have been a lot harder than they already were. So thank you for writing them. Thank you for helping me keep at least part of my sanity when everything else was falling apart."

Castle pulls her in even closer, brushing a kiss to the top of her head. "Don't cry, Coffeelover19."

Kate presses her nose against his neck, the view of the stars above them temporarily forgotten. His books used to be her safe place, but now he, as a person, has become her comfort zone. She's still not entirely sure how it happened, but she's thankful that it did.

"Beckett?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm honored."

* * *

The sunrise is just as brilliant as the sunset. The colors dancing across the sky above the ocean almost too breathtaking for her to make a decision on which she likes better. But she settles on sunrises as her answer, just because they mark the dawn of a new day, a fresh start.

They finally make their way to bed and sleep in until noon. Castle insists that he could sleep longer, but Kate doesn't want to waste the sunlight again and entices him out of bed with coffee. She could definitely get use to a life like this. Being out here with him is so much less stressful than her usual day to day.

"If you want to watch the sunrise again," Castle starts with a yawn as he shuffles into the kitchen, "we should probably go to bed around like...7:00."

She laughs, passing him the promised cup of coffee. "It's gonna have to be later if you still want that skinny dipping to be a thing. I'm not doing that in broad daylight."

"I have sunscreen you know."

Kate rolls her eyes. "That's not why and you know it."

"What? Afraid of people watching us? And here I thought you were in to kink."

"Being watched is not the same thing as using handcuffs."

"Fine," Castle huffs. "I might be able to hold out for bed until 8:00."

"Aww did I keep you up too late?" she smirks.

"It didn't help that you wanted another 'tour' after the sun came up."

"I got my second wind," Kate laughs, bumping her hip into his as she moves around the kitchen counter. "And don't deny it. You enjoyed every bit of that tour."

"I did, yes," he says, nodding vigorously. "Very much so."

"Good. And you better enjoy the daily tours while you can. When I go back to work, we'll have to resort back to our e-mails."

Castle grins around the rim of his coffee cup, before setting it down on the counter. "Oh don't you worry, Coffelover19. NYwriter is excellent at writing sex scenes."

* * *

AN: One more huge thank you to all of my readers and reviewers of this story. You guys mean the world to me! Keep an eye out later for the 8tracks playlist by the lovely alwayswiththecoffee that we came up with together as a companion for this story. I'll be posting the link on my Twitter (oliviet35) and Tumblr (tvfanatic) as soon as she has the chance to upload it. :)


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